


The Chosen Daughter

by MaryAnnett



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Romance, propunk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-08-21 21:29:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8261024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaryAnnett/pseuds/MaryAnnett
Summary: A personal scenario of what could (should...) happen after season 4 ending. Sarah has been saved from death and tries to recover from the loss of her hurt leg. Rachel, as for her, has a little secret.Spoiler for the end of season 4 Warning : Propunk romance, rated M for futur chapters (including sex scenes / incest)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspirational Playlist :
> 
> \- The Four Seasons : Antonio Vivaldi 
> 
> \- The sound of Silence : Simon and Garfunkel
> 
> \- I just need you love : Hyphen Hyphen
> 
> \- The Nutcracker : Coffe, Tchaikovsky
> 
> Special thanks: My dear Susannah, thank you so much for making this fanfiction real. You are a wonderful Beta Reader. To be completely honest, through our emails and discussions, more than a beta reader, you became a friend. Merci!
> 
> English is not my mother tongue

**The Chosen Daughter**

* * *

 

 

  1. Réunion de famille



_Rachel_

The winter on the island is flat and monotone. The snow covers everything, radiant and cold, ruling over the entire landscape. Rachel sits on the wooden bench in the front garden. She is physically there, but her mind is dreaming. Lost in her thoughts, she is nevertheless focused on the condensation of her breath, melting with early sunbeams, her bionic eye allowing her to see with a magical precision the sunlight trapped in the tiniest droplets of water.

She loves this time of year. She is definitely a winter person. The first snow of the year always reminds her of Vivaldi's  _The Four Seasons_. When she was a child, she fell in love with the " Winter " concerto the first time she heard it and decided right then to learn to play the violin. Four years later, she played the violin solo during a performance of the concerto, and was applauded by five hundred people, including Professor Leekie. However, to be more pragmatic, she prefers winter because she knows that cold weather can easily be neutralized by additional clothes and a good fireplace. Contrary to heat, for how can you fight heat once you are already completely naked ? And during this particular winter, the rudeness of the weather helps her sore body, acting like an anesthetic.

A small noise makes her turn her head to focus on the edge of the forest. There is nothing to be seen and yet, she is certain somebody, or something, is there, cowering in the shadows. She sits completely still for five long minutes, holding her breath, and is finally rewarded for her patience : Silently, a young wolf appears from under the trees, obviously looking for something to eat. The long winter is starving him and he is thin under his silver fur. Rachel smiles: it is like meeting a virtual friend in real life for the first time. She has heard the wolf every night for the last two weeks, when the lights of the house were off. He could smell the food from beyond the stone walls and he howled then with frustration and need.

Now, as the wolf raises his muzzle, Rachel slowly grasps her cane to stand up. Their eyes meet. He approaches slowly, his tail whipping the frozen air. Rachel walks toward him, fearless, her eyes glued to his. The woman feels a thrill, traveling from the back of her spine to the base of her neck. She is both impressed and strangely moved by the light in the wolf's eyes. He is hungry and determined, and despite his obvious leanness, his look is fierce and merciless. Yet, when only ten meters separate them, they stop in a simultaneous self-preservation instinct. A sudden, cold gust lifts fresh snowflakes and makes the clear fur and the blond hair glitter brightly. Rachel feels like she is looking at a wild version of herself in a mirror, and she is fairly the wolf feels the same. They remain like this for a long moment, not moving, barely breathing, looking at each other with respect and curiosity. Forgetting about pain and hunger. Both predator and prey, weak but powerful.

A sudden noise makes them both jump at the same time. The wolf growls and steps back quickly, his eyes watching Rachel's face until he disappears into the dark forest. Rachel then turns her face to the house. Ira is standing at the door, watching her with his eternal puppy eyes. A bubble of melted frustration and anger explodes inside her as she approaches him, making her shiver : She and Ira have been living in the same house for too long now. However, she almost falls into his arms when the warmth of the house hit her frozen body. The intensity of the moment shared with the wolf had made her forget about the polar temperature.

"You stayed outside for too long, you're freezing."

He takes her by the shoulders, leads her to the fireplace and forces her to sit on the cozy armchair.

"I'm going to get you a cup of tea."

She does not answer. She is in pain. Her whole body is coming back to life via the power of the fire, and with life comes the soreness of every little part of her. She stays there, trembling with pain, cold, and anger. When Ira comes back she is in the exact position in which he left her. He puts the cup of tea on the table near her, and removes her wet coat and gloves. She does not even notice; she is too tired.

"Here, drink this."

She takes the cup in her hands and drinks slowly. She feels the warm beverage entering her body and waking her from the inside out, forcing her to leave the dreamy moment to come back to real life. She turns her head to face Ira's worried expression.

"Stop looking at me as if I am dying Ira, please."

The man changes from his "worried look" to his "offended look". Again, she does not notice and asks abruptly :

"How is she doing? "

"She woke up 5 minutes ago. Delphine is with her. She said she's doing very well-"

Without paying attention to him anymore, she stands up and goes downstairs, stopping in front of a closed door. Her breath is heavy. Every time she has to open this door, she can feel her strength leave her. Unlike the wolf, she does not desperately need food, but rather courage. She eventually rises above her fears for the moment and enters the room.

The room is silent apart from the regular beeping of the medical devices. It is both monotonous and reassuring. Rachel slowly draws near to Delphine, who is leaning above a little bed. She hasn't heard the blond clone enter the room and Rachel can hear her speaking soft French words :

"Petit Poussin, you are doing very well-"

Rachel's cane hits the ground louder and Delphine jumps and turns to face her.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you coming."

"Is everything ok with her?"

Delphine clears her throat, and takes a step back. She is afraid of Rachel and Rachel likes that. The way she has won back her superiority over Delphine always makes her laugh inwardly.

"She is safe now, in a week she will be able to eat by herself. You can be reassured, Rachel. But-"

"But what?" she snaps.

"But, I need to observe you. You do not look fine, and you've been through something big-"

"Don't worry about me. I survived a pen inside my brain, remember?"

Rachel's look is fierce and Delphine steps back again, looking like weak prey. The clone leans above the small bed and smiles. There is a little baby lying there, two big amber eyes opened wide. Rachel put her cane against the bed and carefully takes the baby against her, slowly slipping away the multiple drip pipes and gastric probe. She turns to Delphine and says :

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I can also survive a C-section. Leave us now."

She turns her attention to the baby, who is watching her intently. Rachel smiles again. A smile she has never given to anyone before. She sits down on a rocking chair near a large window and starts to slowly rock. The baby is warm against her. She whispers in the tiny ear :

"Good morning Swan, Mother is here."

_Sarah_

The first time she wakes up - enough to remember it - she's lying in a large bed, in a room bathed in artificial light. She doesn't know how long she has been there, but clearly a few weeks, taking into account her inability to sit up on the bed. She is so weak that she feels like all her muscles have been removed from her body. It is as if she is nailed to the mattress, trying for almost 15 minutes to raise her arm to touch her face. Her hair seems longer. She feels a panic attack coming from the depths of her stomach and slowly reaching her throat. She tries to scream, but realizes she does not have the strength for any sound to leave her mouth. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on her breathing.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

_Breathe in, breathe out._

Eyes closed, she feels strange memories floating back to her consciousness :

_She is sitting in the snow, there is blood all around her. An excruciating pain in her leg keeps her awake. Her head hurts. Her red blood everywhere makes her smile incongruously when she should be afraid. Bit by bit, the cold wraps her pain and consciousness in its frozen embrace and she passes out..._

_{...}_

_She partially reemerges from a dreamless sleep to feel again. She is hurt, the pain in her leg is severe. There is someone above her. Someone that looks like her. Maybe it's her, Sarah, and it means she is dead... she cannot tell, she is blinded by the pain. And then it is black again..._

_{...}_

_All the lights are off, but she can hear fragments of conversations :_

_"It has been two months, we can't wait more or we will lose her. Her leg is too damaged, we need to remove it."_

_From her cotton dream she can almost recognize the voice, the accent..._

_{...}_

_The stabbing, lightning pain decreases every time she wakes up now. There is something new with her hurt leg. She cannot feel it anymore, and yet she is sure it is still there. She, the other her, is above her again, as always. She knows now it is not actually herself, but she knows it is not a friend either. The name is somewhere in her brain with other memories, but she cannot reach them. She is here every time Sarah wakes up, staring at her without speaking._

_{...}_

_She is sure she has heard Kira cry! She can hear herself screaming, "Save her!" Or maybe it is the other her, she can almost remember her name now. Then somebody puts a needle in her arm and she feels so tired that she sinks in darkness for days, for weeks..._

_{...}_

_Two words : "thank you", and the ghost of a soft kiss on her forehead. She must be dreaming. She needs to wake up now, she has been away for too long._

When she opens her eyes again, her breathing is slower but she is not really sure that all the memories were good things to remember. She grabs the blanket and raises it with all the strength left in her arm. She looks down at her leg and immediately feels sick: It's not her leg, it's a prosthesis, made with metal alloys and what seems like real human flesh. Her whole body trembles with fear and disgust. She feels nauseated and about to pass out. She drops the blanket back over her legs and an almost comforting black-out takes her away for awhile, a ghost of a scream trapped in her mouth.

A minute later, Ira carefully enters the room. He know she will not wake up for a few hours or so, but he does not like being there. There are too many clones in this house, in his opinion. With a wry sigh, he takes a tissue and gently cleans Sarah's face of tears, then replaces the IV with dexterity. He knows he is being watched right now, it makes him nervous. He grabs ahold of a complex device behind Sarah's bed, takes a seat, and after five minutes of complicated connections with her new leg, he turns on the heavy apparatus. A soft, electronic purring fills the room, while the leg magically gets a new skin. He can tell the treatment is painful, given Sarah's muscles contractions and her whimpers. He tries to focus on the prosthetic leg, too afraid to watch her face. He mutters under his breath :

"Same treatment, different clone. "

After 30 minutes, he stops the device and returns everything to its place. The leg looks almost real. In a month Sarah will be able to walk. Or maybe run, to escape this place?

With a last circular look at the bedroom, he leaves Sarah to her dreamless sleep. He cannot help thinking about when she will be able to speak and ask for some explanations. He shudders, imagining just how lucky he is not to be in Rachel's place.

_{A few days later}_

She does not understand everything she remembers from her hibernation, but she knows it will cost her more courage to learn the truth than it will to stand upright on her legs. Honestly, she does not want to wake up. She is more and more aware of the world around her, of her strength coming back. Something inside her head, looking like Jiminy Cricket and speaking with Felix's voice says wisely, " _Wake up sis, it's time_. "

She begs to herself " _Please, one more day_! ", and Felix Cricket answers sarcastically "You've _already had nine months !_ " _._

What? Nine months?

Her eyes open abruptly onto the wood and stone ceiling. There is a famous classical piece playing not far away. She recognizes it even if she cannot name it. Someone is sitting on the armchair next to her bed. It is the last person in the world she would like to see right now. Her dry lips form the lost but now recovered name with difficulty :

"Rachel. "

It sounds more like a hoarse meow than a spoken word, but the blond woman raises her head and their eyes meet. Rachel's smile is triumphant and yet a bit worried. She bites her lower lip and says :

"Hello Sarah, welcome back."

"What the fuck have you done to me ?"

Rachel is sitting very straight in the armchair, and if Sarah hadn't been so tired, she could have seen her hands lightly trembling. But if she could have seen her hands, she would have seen the third person in the room, sleeping quietly against her mother's belly.

"It's a long story. But we have plenty of time to explain what you have missed."

"My leg - what happened to my leg ?" Sarah moans with pain.

"When Ira found you in the forest, your leg was too damaged to be saved. Although we tried hard. You have a new one now, in a few weeks you will be able to walk normally."

Her voice sounds calm, and low, as if she doesn't want to wake someone's up.

"The skin treatment is almost over. No one will be able to see it is a prosthesis. "

"Rachel, you bitch ! What have you done to me? Last time we saw each other you tried to kill me ! "

"That was a long time ago Sarah. You have been...absent for almost nine months-"

Suddenly, something moves on Rachel's lap. Sarah focuses on the breathing form between Rachel's hands. There is a baby gently waking up. Sarah is too confused to understand the information.

"What the fuck is that ?"

She closes her eyes. Maybe she shouldn't have woken up.

"That is the reason you are alive Sarah. This is my daughter, Swan. It is a gift you made for me, even though you weren't really aware of it... One of your eggs was extracted and fertilized and...voilà! See, my eye and your leg are not the only organs that science has improved.

"What? " Sarah's heartbeat almost splits her head. She is nauseated again.

"Yes, long story. Delphine will surely explain to you."

Sarah tries to focus on the music, just not to lose ground again.

"Anyway, I sincerely hope you will be fine soon. I'll need you in a few weeks to take care of Swan while I will leave the island."

Rachel's red lips are the only thing Sarah can rely on in order to stay awake. This is too much.

This is too much.

"This is probably too much information. I'll let you get some rest."

She stands up, one hand carrying the baby, the other one pressed on her cane.

Rachel is heading to the door when Sarah's anger makes her come to life again. She screams with all the strengths she has :

"Rachel! Stop!"

The blonde turns around to face the her brunette clone. Sarah is trying to stand up, but her wrists are restrained by solid handcuffs. Her face is red with anger and effort, there are tears and sweat down her cheeks.

"Sorry about the bracelets, I thought it was necessary, just while you  _digest_  the information.

Sarah is dazed, blinded by the strongest fury she has ever felt. She spits in Rachel's direction:

"Fuck you, Rachel...you are a  _robot_  ! You think stealing an egg from me'll make you human? You're wrong, bitch! You will never be a human.  _Never_  !".

Rachel lets go of her cane violently. There is madness in her eyes, her whole body is trembling with anger. She walks slowly to Sarah's bed, barely limping. She puts the baby on Sarah's lap, freeing her other hand. Then she leans over Sarah, her left hand grabbing the brunette's neck. Her face comes closer to Sarah's ear while tightening her grip on her neck. She says in a low whisper, her voice shaking as much as her body:

"Never call me a robot again, Sarah." Her nails are deep in Sarah's skin. They will leave bruises. She only loosens her hand when the other clone is about to faint. "Never. Understand?"

She slowly takes the baby back in her arms and proceeds to go to the door. Before leaving the room she turns around and looks at Sarah, who is trembling, eyes closed on her bed.

"You should say I am  _improved_. And get used to it. After all, your leg is steel and artificial skin now. You are as good as I am,  _Sister_."

She smiles kindly and leaves the room.

She is still trembling when she arrives in the living room, exhausted from climbing the stairs. Delphine is there, pale in the morning light. Rachel barely looks at her, entirely dedicated to the baby's babbles. She says to the doctor :

" Sarah is back. I need her on her feet in two weeks."

She turns her attention back to the baby and leaves the room, saying in a gentle voice :

"Here Honey, listen: We're just in time to hear the best part of the concerto. It's 'Winter'."

She reaches the stereo system and turns up the volume. While the violin covers Sarah's screams under their feet, Rachel turns in circles with the baby in her arms.

 


	2. Homo Homini Lupus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspirational Playlist :  
> \- A quai, Yann Tiersen (Amélie OST)  
> \- Want to want me, Jason Derulo  
> \- The Bitter End, Placebo  
> \- Pure Morning, Placebo  
> \- Give me a reason to love you, Portishead

II. Homo Homini Lupus

_Sarah_

 

It takes Sarah hours to stop screaming, days to stop trembling, and weeks to stand steady on her legs. She doesn't actually see anyone, even though she knows people are taking care of her when she is asleep. They probably watch her via the camera in the corner of her room. Someone discreet enough not to wake her up even washes her hair once a week. She is aware there is probably something in the IV that is knocking her out, but as it is the same needle that provides the painkillers, she does not remove it.

Somebody brings her food 3 times a day, giving her an uncertain sense of time. The handcuffs have been removed from her wrists, but they hang from the metal headboard of the bed like a silent warning.

The day after her victorious attempt at standing upright, she wakes up to find comfortable clothes at the foot of the bed. Someone has washed her body and hair during her artificial sleep. She is naked under the sheets and quickly gets dressed. As she puts on the black jogging pants, she watches her leg closely. It is mind-blowing. The leg is real again, except she cannot properly feel it anymore. It looks perfectly normal thanks to the skin treatment. She can even see the little moles she had on her knee when the leg was hers. She doesn't touch it for all that, too afraid of being sick again.

She has just finished putting on the warm hoodie when someone enters the room. She screams when she recognizes the blond doctor :

"Delphine!"

She manages to take a careful step, succeeds, then falls at the second one. In an instant, Delphine's helpful hands and arms are there to put her back on her feet :

"Here Sarah, sit for a minute."

She leads her to the armchair next to the bed. Sarah is relieved to see a familiar - and friendly - person. Yet Delphine’s French accent awakes a memory she had recently :

"Delphine, you were there the whole time? I heard you when I was unconscious-"

"Yes. There are not many doctors on the island. How do you feel, Sarah ?“

Her smile is gentle, and it feels so good not to be alone anymore. Her eyes fill with tears of gratitude and she lets her body go against Delphine's.

"Ca va aller-You are a warrior Sarah, you survived all this like a pro."

"I-I need to leave this place. I need to find Kira and Mrs S and Felix. Help me Delphine-"

"It is not that easy - we are in the middle of a cold winter, there is no boat, no helicopter, no way out. And you can't walk for now."

Sarah closes her eyes. She is tired.

"Kira, Sibhoan and Felix are safe, trust me. You have to concentrate on your recovery. For a start, I will help you with that, ok ?“

Sarah raises her face to the tall woman.

"What is Rachel’s plan ?“ 

Delphine lowers her voice and says in a whisper :

"Someone is listening and watching right now. I swear I will answer your questions. Please don't iritate her - I don't know her plan since we're not in good terms either-"

"That bitch stole one of my eggs, Delphine ! She tried to kill me, and then saved me - I've been there for 9 months ! Shite ! I need answers, now !"

Delphine's eyes are full of anxiety :

"Please lower your voice. Give me some time, you will have explanations."

She stands up quickly and says in a normal voice, helping Sarah on her feet :

"Come on, now that you can almost walk, I am sure you will want to discover the bathroom behind this door."

She puts a bright smile on her face but her hands on Sarah's shoulders are trembling slightly. She leads her to a door, hidden behind a large wooden screen covered with red and orange fabrics. Opening the door with one hand, she gently pushes Sarah inside. Her eyes look toward the oval mirror covered in steam. Someone wrote on it with their finger :

_Camera offscreen here but micro in the shower. Note inside the toilet bowl._

"I am sure you will want to take some time to rearange that hair. I will give you some privacy and wait outside.

Delphine half closes the door, leaving her patient unsteady, leaning against the bathroom sink. Sarahsits on the toilet seat and finds the hidden note, on which she immediately recognizes her sister's writing.

_Sarah,_

_I can't explain everything for there are things I don't understand myself. Trust me, you're safer where you are, you need to get your strength back before thinking about an heroic and yet stupid escape plan. Kira and Felix are with Alison and everyone is safe. Rachel let them go as soon as she discovered she was pregnant (with your egg but I'm sure you already know that part of the story). About her, she almost lost the baby when she was 7 months pregnant. Your blood saved Swan. And the stem cells of the umbilical cord saved us all (Yeah, we are safe from our disfunctional DNA now ! We can talk about all the science later…) Not sure if you can trust Rachel, but she's more to be trusted than Dr. Westmoreland... Long story but the guy's alive and he promoted Rachel as head of Neolution._

_You know me - I wouldn’t ask you to be quiet if it wasn't necessary. You can trust Delphine, she'll help you._

_Keep fighting, sister !_

_Cosima_

_PS : We're aunties again, Helena's daughters were born on the 4th of July. Mothers and babies_   _are healthy and in a safe place with Mrs. S._

Sarah's hands are shaking violently with exhaustion and emotion. It is too much information to receive in one letter. She tears up the note and puts the paper in the toilet as quickly as possible. Then she flushes, stands up with difficulty, and uses her hand to wipe the mirror clean. Then she feels her legs shrinking under her and she falls onto the ground. She can hear and feel Delphine faraway. She is held in the doctor's arms as the French woman whispers into her ear:

"You are going to be fine, Sarah. "

Delphine puts her on her bed and Sarah can feel her by her side. Before sinking in a deep sleep, one that she is getting used to now, she feels the tall woman's lips on her forehead. Her last conscious thought is that it is not the lips she has felt before, and it and it chills her to her core.

 

_Rachel_

 

Every morning, she wakes up before dawn. She slips out ouf the room in silence, taking care to not wake Swan, who now sleeps in her mother's bedroom. She takes a quick shower to awaken her sore body, puts on warm clothes and takes care of her face and hair, as if she was preparing for a cold and yet thrilling date. She pays attention to her hands, massaging them for several minutes with shea butter. When she feels that everything is perfect, she applies her bright red lipstick with the same care a young woman would do the first time she was going to meet her fiancé.

Next, she goes upstairs, makes herself a tea, pulls on gloves over her soft hands and goes outside in the front garden. On this particular morning, her lips shine brightly in the morning sun. She sits on the bench, facing the dark forest, and waits for her wild friend.

Every morning now, the wolf comes to visit Rachel. He enters the glade slowly, draws near the middle of the snowy garden, then sits and waits for Rachel to make her part of the journey.

When they are so close that they could touch each other, Rachel kneels on the snow, so they can be equals. Slowly, she poses her cane, pulls off her glove and gives her hand to the wolf for him to smell it. Yesterday, he gave it an affectionate lick and Rachel laughed lightly, scaring the wolf. He then ran away, tail between his legs and ears back, leaving the blond clone alone in the white garden, smiling but a bit disappointed.

This morning, the wolf is apparently in a better mood. As soon as Rachel kneels up to him he puts his fluffy muzzle on her lap. She smiles, delighted, and puts her hand in the soft fur. His body is warm and vibrant with wildness and life. She feels safe and comfortable. They stand here for a long time, until the morning sun is high enough to illuminate the whole garden. Rachel says in a low voice :

"My dear friend, I have to leave you for a few days. I will come back for you. Please take care of my daughter during my absence."

The wolf buries his muzzle deeper against Rachel's belly, and touches her C-section scar with his muzzle, sending warm puffs of breath through her clothes, in a sign of comprehension. Or at least that is what Rachel understands. Strangely, she thinks about Sarah, about her desperate need that her uncontrollable sister be safe when she, Rachel, leaves the Island. She also thinks of what Sarah would say if she could see Rachel holding a wolf against her. Maybe she would consider her more human, less robot.

"I have to go now, but I will be back."

The wolf grumbles with dissatisfaction and steps back slowly to the forest. Rachel lifts up with the help of her cane. When she is about to leave the glade, she hears the wolf howling faintly, calling her. She focuses on the edge of the forest to see him sitting on the cold ground, watching her intently as to remember her face. She murmurs, more to herself than for the wolf :

"This is goodbye, my friend. We will meet again."

Then she turns around and enters the silent house. Delphine is in the kitchen and almost drops her cup of coffee when Rachel comes in and says dryly  

"Hello Delphine, happy to see you too."

"Hello Rachel-"

The blond woman sits at the kitchen table, already bored by the conversation to come with the French doctor. She wishes she could have followed the wolf in the dark forest instead of being trapped here. Fortunately, she has things to do in town, and will leave the island soon enough.

"I am leaving tomorrow. Is Sarah ready?"

"She can walk almost normally now, but-"

"But what?"

"But she said she won't take care of Swan-"

Rachel laughs sarcastically.

"Of course she said that! She still believes she has the choice- I will talk to her."

She finishes her tea, aware of Delphine's look on her behind her back.

"I am not taking you with me if that is the question you can't even be courageous enough to ask."

She turns around abruptly to face the blond doctor.

"I still need you here to take care of Swan. But don't worry, as soon as everything is allright, you will be free to leave."

Delphine nods, her eyes full of anger and frustration.

"I will need my suitcase ready tonight, with my clothes for work and all my files."

A shocking expression distorts Delphine's beautiful face. Breath cut, she can barely answer :

"I-I am not your domestic servant, Rachel!"

The clone's red lips stretch into a patronizing smile.

"You are not, obviously. And yet you will do what I ask because you are not in a position to say anything you wish. I am the one with power in this part of the game, Delphine. You won from me it once, but you lost it again. Plus, I know about your girlfriend's note that you gave to Sarah. You should be careful, I might change my mind about leaving my _sisters_ alone. Including Cosima. Now get out of my kitchen."

She does not leave Delphine the opportunity to obey and leaves the kitchen to look in on for Swan. The baby is waking up when she enters the room. Rachel takes her in her arms and starts speaking to the her in a sweet, calm voice :

"Good morning, little beauty. Let's choose clothes and then we will have a good breakfast."

Her gesture is calm and gentle. She takes care of the baby's skin, massaging her before dressing her. Her voice is so different from the tone she uses to speak to others. From a spectator's point of view, except for the blond hair, she looked more like Alison“Mother of the Year” Hendrix than Rachel "Über Bitch" Duncan.

She can feel that she has changed. When she almost lost Swan the day she was born, too early, she had known her life will never be the same again. Nothing could have prepared her to feel, when she met Swan for the first time, the purest love melded together with the greatest fear of losing that love, of losing her baby. Maybe it is the explanation why she cannot completely hate Sarah anymore. Because she is the one whose blood saved Swan. It is strange how a tiny human being can change everything. For once, her detractors would have to admit that she has a heart.

If they knew of Swan's existence. Which, Rachel hopes, will never happen.

A single tear rolls from her organic eye on her cheek. She takes the baby against her and says gently :

"Mother is going to leave for a few days for work, honey. Sarah will take care of you." 

Swan watches her mother intently, her amber eyes mesmerized by Rachel's red lips.

The baby babbles with delight when she sees the bottle of milk, making her mother smile. Ira enters the room a few minutes later.

"Hello Ira. We will leave tomorrow morning. I have a board of directors meeting to lead in two days."

Ira offers Rachel his brightest smile. He is so happy to leave this island that he can't find a word strong enough to express it.

"If you want to stay in town after the board meeting, it is possible, now that Sarah's treatment is complete."

"I will be more useful from the continent, indeed."

"Indeed. And as long as our agreement is observed, you will be free to do anything you want."

"You can trust me, I will never talk to anyone about the baby or Sarah."

Rachel gets up and with a condescending smile, strokes Ira's cheek with her hand before leaving the room.

"Good boy."

She is less confident, however, when she stands in front of Sarah's door. She knocks before entering, but doesn't wait for an answer and unlocks and opens the door.

Sarah sits in the armchair, concentrated on bending and unbending her knee despite the heavy prosthesis. She raises her head to stare at Rachel, no readable expression on her face. 

"Good morning Sarah. Are you ready for your first walk out of this room?"

Sarah's face illuminates instantly, even if Rachel can tell how hard she tries in front of her jailer to not look happy to leave this room. Jailer - savior - sister - neither of them can choose the correct word.

Rachel approaches and offers her arm :

"Here, take my arm, it will help to go upstairs. "

Sarah hesitates, but her need to get out of this bedroom is so strong she would accept the devil's help.

It takes them ten minutes to reach the living room, and Sarah's face is covered in sweat when Rachel finally helps her to sit on the smooth sofa. Without asking for permission, the blond woman lays the baby on Sarah's lap.

"Please, take Swan while I get you a cup of tea."

Sarah holds the baby in her arms, barely breathing. Rachel is almost in the kitchen when she manages to say :

"I'd prefer coffee-please."

Then she takes a look at the little girl in her arms. She has the biggest eyes Sarah has ever seen. Swan watches her in silence, a strange expression of déjà vu in her eyes when she observes the dark-haired woman. Sarah smiles at her and starts speaking in a soft voice :

"Hello, little one."

The baby answers with a funny little nasal sound, making Sarah giggle. Rachel enters the room at that moment. When Sarah looks at her, she cannot be completely sure of what she sees in the blonde clone's eyes : Envy, pride, pain, resilience, love - maybe it's a bit of everything.

"Do you want to take a walk outside?"

"Yeah."

Rachel takes the baby from Sarah's arms and gives her to Delphine, who is waiting in the other room. When she comes back, she gives Sarah a warm coat and a mug full of coffee. Then, she leads her to the foyer and opens the door.

The cold, the bright sun on the snow, the deep blue sky and nature make Sarah reel with multiple emotions.

Rachel stands next to her in silence. Not touching her, not even looking at her. She must admit, she is impressed to see Sarah managing so well with her new leg.

Finally, Sarah starts speaking :

"I’ll take care of Swan while you’re away. You know I will never be able to hurt a child. But I will never trust you Rachel. We've reached the point of no return, and you need to know that at the first occasion I will try to escape."

"That will not be necessary. I owe you my daughter's life. I will let you go soon. I promise."

"Keep your promise. I know there is always foul play somewhere with you. It's- in your nature.

Rachel draws near to Sarah, whose legs are not very stable on the snow.

"I am not here to gain your trust, anyway. I need you to take care of Swan. To keep her safe."

Rachel's look when she talks about her daughter is fierce, lioness-like. Sarah asks in a low voice, as if she could feel a danger somewhere :

"What are you afraid of, for her?"

The blond woman lets a deep, exasperated breathe escape her throat. It is the first time Sarah can see how very important the baby is to Rachel :

"Everything. Anything. From anyone and at any time. Does that answer your question?"

She turns away quickly and walks away. Sarah is lost between uneasiness and shakiness. She asks with a trembling voice :

"Why me, Rachel? Why did you chose me to take care of Swan, then?"

Rachel turns around abruptly to face her. A tear on her cheek captures a sunbeam, making her weakness visible to Sarah. She doubles back to Sarah and in a movement of strange fluidity, she drops her cane, grasps her sister by the upper arms and brings her close to her own body. Their forehead touch each other, Rachel eyes hold Sarah captive as much as her arms. She opens her red glossy lips and whispers in a dangerously soft voice :

"Because you are the best mother I know."

Without releasing her hold, she forces Sarah's head to bend down, and puts her warm lips on her sister's forehead, making her body, and indeed her soul, quiver. Rachel whispers an almost audible _thank you_ into Sarah's ear. Then she releases her and and leaves her alone, unable to move or think, in the middle of the vast, white garden.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this chapter, let me know ! kudos and comments are important to me :)


	3. Raised by Wolves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspirational Playlist :
> 
> \- Too many friends, Placebo  
> \- Zombie, Cranberries  
> \- Swan Lake, main theme  
> \- 20 years, Placebo

III. Raised by wolves

 

_Rachel_

 

She stands in the middle of her living room, straight and still. It is the first time she pays attention to how impersonal her apartment seems ; the difference in style, compared to the house on the island, is stunning. Hers is all white, neutral, and expensive - more a show flat than an apartment where someone could live. Actually, she does not have one happy, warm memory of this place. It is functional, well-located, and flashy enough for the rare and lucky Dyad clients that once met Rachel here to be impressed. And fall vaguely in love with her.

The only two things she is happy to find after all this time are her clothes and her bar à vin. It is too early in the morning to pour herself a glass of _Romanée-conti Grand Cru 1995_ , but she makes the silent vow to save two hours this evening to have a head-to-head with a bottle of one of the most valuable red wine that she knows of.

When she opens her wardrobe, she is overcome with a sweet, frivolous feeling of joy. All of her dresses, skirts and pants are there, in order, ready to glorify her body again. She touches the noble fabrics with trembling fingers. Somewhere deep in her brain, a devilish Rachel asks if she will be able to wear them again after her pregnancy. But, wrapped in the vision of this wreath of silk and leather, she barely remembers that tiny detail about herself.

Her eyes focus on the bottom of the large cupboard, where a beige box lays among her numerous pairs of high heels. She takes it carefully and sit on the edge of the large bed. She opens the box with great care and exhales with emotion at the sigh of the black leather _escarpins_ with their famous bright red soles. Yes, maybe her pair of Louboutins is the closest thing she can rely to when she thinks about a happy memory in this place. Her inward evil self asks innocently if she can handle the height and discomfort of these beautiful instruments of torture.

"I missed you girls"

She caresses the black leather for a few minutes, smiling. It is futile, it is so not Rachel, and yet she feels soothed. It is good to be alone for the first time in months. Even if she misses her daughter. Terribly.

When her brain starts imagining Swan so far away from her, she decides it is time to become the old Rachel Duncan again. She chooses a white dress made by a famous Italian designer, a matching black suit jacket, silky stockings and a pair of white underwear.

She gets into the shower and almost cries with relief when she feels the hot water on her skin. It has been such a long journey. Not only from the island to her apartment. The past year has been an exhausting initiatory journey in itself. She takes time to wash her hair twice with an organic vanilla shampoo. Then her hands massage her body with her favorite shower gel. Surrounded by warm steam and familiar perfumes, she can feel herself coming back to life. When her left hand touches her lower belly she jumps at the touch of the scar that was not there 4 months ago. She had almost forgotten.

The pain is not physically there anymore and yet, each time she touches the scar, it is like being stabbed in the heart by the fear of what she nearly lost. She puts her face under the shower head, blinded and deafened by the stream, trying to focus on her mental voice : _it's in your head, in your head_. Just for the pain and fear to go away. She stays like that for five long minutes, unable to move, nearly submerged, barely breathing. Finally, slowly, her heartbeat comes back to normal and she starts breathing easily again. She finishes lathering herself, subtly avoiding that part of her body.

When her skin starts getting wrinkly from the heat and water, she comes out of the shower cabin and wraps up in a soft towel. She wipes the steam of the large mirror and looks at her reflection. With her wet hair, she doesn't see her own face at first glance. She sees Sarah's. She can't help thinking about her on the island with her daughter. Anger and frustration make her growl like an animal, she would like to punch her, to scratch her face with her red nails, to make her bleed. She hates her for being in her head.

And for being the only person she would trust with taking care of her daughter.

She makes herself up quickly, applying with precision all that makes Rachel THE Rachel: black mascara, silvery eyeshadow, brilliant red lipstick, the exact same shade of red than her Louboutins. She styles her hair perfectly, and sprays _Dior Addict_ with delight on her bare chest and inner wrists. Smiling at herself in the mirror, she is Rachel Duncan again.

She leaves the bathroom to get dressed in the bedroom. When she slips on her stockings, another kind of feeling overtakes her. More pleasant, albeit rather unexpected : the silk on her legs awakens forgotten memories of lust. She slowly becomes aware of how much she needs to have sex. Now. Eyes closed, she slowly pushes away her sister's image to concentrate on her own. She has always been an expert in the art of giving herself what she needed. She is just surprised at how quickly after such opposite feelings she can be so desperately in need of pleasure. She sits on the edge of her bed, half-clothed. Looking at her reflexion in the mirror, she sees in her brilliant eyes the promise that it will not take long.

Eyes locked with her own reflection, trembling with anticipation, she slides a hand inside her panties. She gasps when her fingers touch the warm, soft skin of her sex. She inserts a finger slowly, moans at the forgotten feeling. She is wet, hot, already ready for a second finger. She enters more deeply inside herself and starts moving her fingers. Like in slow motion, her upper body falls slowly on the bed, her belly contracted while she penetrates herself with precision, knowing exactly when to move faster and where to press harder. She moans softly, her breathing laborious. The second she places her thumb on her clit, her whole body arches in desire. She bites her lips hard, not really used to being so close to come so quickly. Her left hand slides under her bra to grab, without sweetness, a little gold ring piercing on her nipple. She twists it between two fingers, making her cry aloud in pain melded with excitement.

She is about to come-when the doorbell rings.

"Oh, come on !" she is so close that it hurts.

Rachel straightens on the bed and leans on the nightstand to grab the portable intercom. She snaps :

"What?"

The concierge says in a little voice :

"Mrs Duncan, Mr Chevalier is here for you-"

"Tell him I am not here"

"I- I'm afraid he is already on his way to your apartment. He said it was an emergency-"

"Of course- Fine."

She puts down the intercom and puts on her clothes hastily, her entire body tensed with anger, worry, and an incredible frustration. Opening the door to Ferdinand now is like ordering sushi and receiving pizza instead: a great disappointment. Plus she knows herself, when she desperately needs something, she will use anybody, or anything to be more accurate, to get to her way. It makes her a little nauseated and yet, she opens the door on an overjoyed and wriggling Ferdinand.

" Good morning, Ferdinand."

"Rachel. You look amazing. As always"

He enters the apartment, his eternal predatory smile on his face, and cannot help leering at Rachel from head to toe while she closes the door. She turns around to face him.

She will never understand Ferdinand's devouring passion for her. As long as she can remember, she has never given him a kind word beyond common courtesy. She has never let him kiss her even if she knows he could sell his soul to her in exchange for it. Actually, he already gave it to her. She has often been a perfect bitch to him and yet, he is the one that spent - and lost - a lot of money to find her last year. She is certain he could have find her anywhere on the planet. Just for the tiny possibility that, for her own exclusive pleasure, she will tie him to a headboard, bite and beat him, and fuck him in the end, eventually, if she doesn't have something more important to do or think about. Yes, Ferdinand is some kind of a faithful dog she can beat and then abandon for months and that will always find her back and be happy to see her. Too bad for Ferdinand, that she now has a wolf friend who certainly has more pride than he does.

"It is 9 a.m. Ferdinand. I suspect you are not here to compliment me on my wardrobe, so what brings you here?"

Her cold disinterest does not discourage Ferdinand. He likes that.

"Well, I am delighted to see you too, Rachel. I came here to bring you to the board of directors meeting."

"That is at 2 p.m. And you aren't even a believer in Neolution."

"You almost converted me last time we saw each other. Remember?" He laughs sarcastically "And it will give us time to catch up with each other. Do you have some tea?"

He offers her his brightest smile and sits comfortably in the large grey sofa, watching her intently. Rachel sighs with irritation.

"No. I haven’t been here for almost a year. I don't have tea."

"Well, come and sit next to me then, you can share your last year on the island with me."

His hand pats the pillow next to him. Rachel feels trapped, ill at ease. It is the first time she has worn high heels since her pencil issue, and she does not feel completely confident on her feet. And she can't help thinking about the warm and wet need increasing between her legs. Ferdinand notices her discomfort the second she sits as far away from him as possible.

"I love your shoes. They represent you so perfectly, it's almost allegorical. You and your Louboutins are beautiful and fine, and it is almost impossible to reach you unless the person has power or money. And even then, you are dauntless and we discover your only goal and pleasure is to hurt the feet and the heart."

"Shut up, Ferdinand."

"Something is making you nervous. And it is not the board meeting."

He watches her intently.

"You’ve changed Rachel. And… Oh my God! Where is your cane?" He looks so worried it makes her smile.

"It's in the lobby."

"I’m relieved. I thought you forgot it on the island. I-I liked that extension of your-wildness."

She knows what he is trying to do and it annoys her even more, so that she can barely contain herself.

"Ferdinand, I am not in the mood for that."

"Oh yes you are. I can tell by the way you touch your belly nervously with your hands. And by your hard breathing."

"Stop that !" She stands up to escape his mental grasp on her. 

"It is okay if it is not me that you want. Too bad I am the only person around, mmm?"

He is completely calm and smiling now, detailing her like a crazy surgeon about to cut his victim's skin. If she was not so sure of her power on him, she would be afraid right now.

"Too bad I am a grown woman and don't need a man to pleasure myself."

She smiles back at him. _Touché!_

"Ok, look -I know you are hiding something. The problem is that the board knows it too. And people are starting to ask questions. They find it strange that you choose to stay on your island when you should be in town, leading the _great new world of Neolution_. They approached me. They want me to - What were the words they used ? - _monitor_ you."

"What? They can't do that."

"Of course they can. Being promoted by God himself doesn't mean there is no jealousy or suspicions among the apostles. You are lucky they asked me to do the job."

"Am I?"

"Of course. I will never betray you."

"Oh, what a relief ! I will never be betrayed by someone who couldn't even recognize a pale imitation of me just because she had a blond wig and was wearing my clothes? As long as you think with your brain instead of your penis, you are right, I am so lucky !"

Ferdinand suddenly becomes pale and ill at ease.

"It was a mistake and I’ve already apologized thousands of times. Anyway, the board will ask you this afternoon that I accompany you to the island. You should accept without asking questions, in my humble opinion."

"There is absolutely no way!"

"Well, if you say that, be sure their suspicion will be founded and what you are trying to hide so hard will be discovered within a day."

She feels like she is going to be sick. A breathtaking pain from her C-section scar makes her sway and fall abruptly onto the sofa. Ferdinand comes closer to her, smart enough not to touch her directly. He stays silent for several seconds while Rachel, prostrated, tries to recover her breath. Suddenly, something dawns on Ferdinand. He says, in a low conspiring voice :

"Oh, dear God- you did it!"

Head in her hands, her body bent double, she doesn't answer.

"Rachel, look at me!"

She raises her head slowly to look at him. Both pairs of eyes are febrile.

"You found a way to have your own child, didn't you?"

She doesn't answer, but he sees in her terrified look that he is right.

"Oh my God, that’s fantastic."

She is trapped in her worst nightmare, and Ferdinand's burning look on her reminds her that the exhausting initiatory journey may not be quite over yet. The only words she can whisper are:

"No one can know."

_Sarah_

 

Taking care of Swan gives Sarah a goal. The first day, she spends the morning with the little girl in her arms, walking around the house. It is a good way to explore the vast mansion and to train her new leg. Plus, the little girl seems delighted to be nestled against another mother with the same face and warmth. The baby spends most of her time watching Sarah and everything around her, an expression of interest in her beautiful eyes.

The house is vast. In the basement, where her room is, there are five others; each of them has a private bathroom. They are all decorated with wooden furniture and various colored fabrics, which compensate for the lack of natural light. The biggest room is not Rachel's, as if she didn't want to take her mother's bedroom.

Delphine's room is the furthest from Rachel's, and the closest to the big laboratory. When she enters the lab, she sees two beds next to one another in a corner of the room. Sarah immediately wonders if Rachel gave birth to her daughter in that cold, scary room. Then she is sure of that, for she can feel the fear Rachel felt, the pain, and the love that makes you forget everything. She has images of her own labor. It was not in a strange, impersonal lab, lost on an island, but she was still lost. It makes her shiver and she feels the baby starting to tremble feverishly in her arms, aware of Sarah's uneasiness. She mutters :

"It's okay, Monkey, everything’s fine."

She slips out the room quickly, and continues her visit of the basement. There is a locked room at the end of the corridor. Sarah looks at the closed door with furrowed eybrows. What is hiding behind this door, if even Rachel's own bedroom isn't locked?

After a long and perilous climb of the stairs, she and Swan arrive in the living room, and Sarah asks Delphine about the myterious locked door.

"Delphine, do you know what's in the room at the end of the corridor?"

"It was Susan's office."

"It’s locked."

"Yes. Susan probably kept the key when she was transferred into town. I imagine Rachel planned to break in, but she was busy with your and Swan's health."

"Are there cameras in the corridor?"

"What? No, there are only cameras in the bedrooms downstairs, and two upstairs : one here in the living room and another one in the kitchen. They are off now."

"How can you be sure? Rachel doesn't trust us enough to leave the two of us alone with her baby without any surveillance."

"She knows we won't escape, that is why she doesn't need to watch us. The island keeps us prisoner."

Sarah sighs in frustration and weariness as she sits on the sofa. Delphine takes Swan from her hands and says gently :

"Get some rest, I will give Swan her milk."

Before Delphine and the baby leave the living room, Sarah is already asleep.

She wakes up an hour later, firmly intent on opening that door. Delphine forces her to eat a hot meal. They barely speak when actually it would be the perfect time to do so : that always happens when no one knows where to start. Delphine looks preoccupied and Sarah doesn't want to hurt her by asking the wrong question. She declines Delphine's offer to make her a coffee and pretends to need another nap with the baby, to shorten the meal and go downstairs with Swan. She puts the little girl in her bed, kisses her little forehead and leaves the room. Based on the silence, she is pretty sure the baby is already asleep after five minutes.

In the cold lab, she finds a paper clip. Simple, but efficient. If it doesn't work she will use a hammer to destroy the door. She is attracted like a magnet by what is inside this room.

She unlocks the door with baffling ease. She represses her first real scream of joy when the lock clicks. The office is impeccably tidy, as if Susan knew the last time she was in it, that she wouldn’t come back. Sarah sits on the large leather armchair. There is a computer on the desk and she turns it on.There is no password, which seems too easy, not Duncan-style. Sarah desperately wants to use the Internet connection, but she represses her need to contact her family, as it is probably not secure. She will have to tell Delphine about her mischief in order to get her opinion.

There are a number of closets in the office. All of them are unlocked, except for one. Sarah uses her magic paper clip once more and it seems that today is her lucky day, for it opens within 5 minutes. Inside are videotapes. Dozens. Hundreds. On all of them the same thing is written : _Rachel Duncan_. The tapes are labeled chronologically from 1992 - Sarah remembers it's the year Rachel's parents "died" - to 2016. The last one is dated of one week before Sarah landed on the island.

"Holy shit !"

At the sight of all the videotapes, she feels dizzy. Rachel has been monitored her entire life by her own, supposedly dead, mother. She was nothing more than a scientific project. A subect of study. She can't help but to suddenly feel sorry for her. And angry. She also begins to thinkthat perhaps Rachel would have become a better person than she did, if she hadn’t been used like that.

She sits on the armchair again to discover a VCR under the computer screen. There is a tape in it, unmarked. Probably the last one, that Susan didn't have the time to mark and label with the others. Driven by an invisible force, she puts the VCR on. The screen turns on to a white written message on a black background :

_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_

Sarah's heart beats erratically, her throat is dry. The video shows images of the house, from different points of views. There are several cameras filming many rooms. All of them actually. Sarah clicks on the one in the kitchen and the full screen mode comes into effect. She can see Rachel and her mother facing, judging each other. Sarah deducts it is what happened just before she arrived at the house.

 

_Rachel says :_ _"You should be thanking me- You created me to be your heir, didn't you?_

_"A child raised by Neolution. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but it wasn't mine." Susan's tone is sarcastic, rough._

_"Whose was it, then? You gave me to this." Rachel revolves around her mother like a young wolf defying the old alpha one, defiant and fierce._

_"I should never have left you. Is that what you want to hear?"_

_"You made me think you were dead." Her voice is trembling lightly. But she doesn't want her mother to win this game. "So now I must do what Neolution raised me to do, make the hard choices."_

_"The hard choice is restraint."_

_Rachel prevents a nasty smile to appear on her lips. "You're fading, Mother. The future is bolder than you." Susan turns around and is about to leave the kitchen when her daughter's voice stops her : "Where's the cell line? I want the cure."_

_S_ _usan faces her daughter and laughs with disdain and deception."Oh, Rachel. All the joy and insight your sisters have given me. For every Sarah, every Cosima, I regret making you."_

_This last sentence hurts Rachel to the core of her soul. She must end this, now. She turns away from her mother, hiding her pain and tears._

_"Sorry, Rachel. The board does not have the final say. And I will not allow you to move forward with any of this."_

_The clone grabs one of the knives in front of her, very slowly. She wants to win this battle now, to end her mother's superiority over her. She turns around and stabs Susan with a steady hand, in an almost graceful gesture. She looks Susan in the eyes, as a young, victorious wolf would watch an old monarch abdicate : with no joy but the pride you feel when you defeat an oppressor._

_"It's not up to you anymore, Mother."_

 

Eyes locked on the screen, Sarah's whole body shakes violently. She can't handle the mixed emotions inside her. In a way, she understands what lead Rachel to who she is now. Her mother's words are the worst a daughter can hear from a parent. At the same time, the blond clone's calculating, cold, cruel behavior makes her sick. She is sure the rest of the tape will show her own altercation with Rachel later that day. She is not certain she wants to live this again, even from a spectator's point of view. She still has phantom limb pains when she thinks about it.

She pushes the fast forward button, vaguely watching the images. Suddenly, the lab camera shows something that awakes a forgotten memory :

 

_Rachel is sitting on a bed in the lab. Delphine is observing her, her forehead wrinkled with anxiety. Rachel's belly is round and full, she is pregnant. The blond clone's face is distorted by pain. Her hands and legs are shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes are half-closed, her face is paler than the white shirt she is wearing._

_Next to them, Sarah lays on another bed. She is asleep. A nasal cannula helps her breathing. She is as pale as her sister. Her leg is not there anymore. And the prosthesis is not there yet. It is a strange feeling, to watch the empty place next to her other leg._

_Delphine says in a soft and yet trembling voice :"C'est trop tôt-"_

_"Delphine! English!" Rachel snaps, her voice hardly audible_

_"The labor has started Rachel. It's eight weeks early and I don't have the medicine here to stop the contractions."_

_Rachel doesn't answer. She looks feverish, about to faint._

_"And- There is something else."_

_"What?"_

_"I am not an obstetrician, but I am pretty sure you have a condition - placenta praevia. It means I will have to perform a C-section."_

_"What ? Now?"_

_"Yes. There is no time. The baby's heartbeat is decreasing. I am going to give you anepidural. You won't feel anything, and you will be awake for your baby's birth." She watches Rachel and with a calm, professional voice, says "It is going to be fine. Both of you are going to be fine."_

  

_{fast forward 30 minutes later}_

_Delphine says through the green surgical drape :"Rachel, you have a little girl. She is having a little trouble breathing, Ira will take care of her and will bring her to you as soon as we are sure she is ok. You are both doing very well."_

_Rachel barely hears the information, she feels a strong, deep need to close her eyes to sleep now._

_"No! No Rachel, you have to stay awake! Please, answer me !"_

_"I hear you-"_

_"Well, listen to me. You are losing a lots of blood. You have to fight your need to sleep. You cannot faint now. Your daughter is beautiful, she needs her mother. Ok?"_

_"Ok."_

_"Good. Stay with me. Tell me your baby's name."_

_"Swan- Swan Duncan."_

_"That's a beautiful name. Hold on. You will see her face soon."_

_Delphine barely finishes her sentence when Rachel suddenly begins losing consciousness :_

_"Rachel! Rachel! Merde!"_

_{fast forward 15 minutes later}_

_"Rachel, wake up ! Do you hear me?"_

_"Swan, how is Swan?"_

_"Listen to me, Swan suffered blood poisoning. NO no no ! Do not try to move. We gave her Sarah's blood. She is fine now, she rests. She will need a little help to breath and feed but it will be ok."_

_"Ok."_

_"Now, listen to me Rachel. We took a lotof blood from Sarah. We are not sure she will survive unless-"_

_"Is Swan going to be ok?"_

_"What? Yes, in a month or so she will be able to eat and breathe by herself. She is going to be-"_

_"Save her."_

_"What?"_

_"Take my blood, give it to Sarah."_

_"Rachel, you’ve lost too much blood, it's too risky."_

_"I said save her."_

_"But -"_

_"Now! Save her !"_

 

"Sarah, what are you doing here?" 

It is like waking up from a strange, bloody nightmare. She pushes the pause button and raises her head to face Delphine. She is a mess, there are tears and sweat all over her face, and, absorbed in the video, she hadn't even noticed that she has bitten her lips so hard that her mouth is full of blood.

Hers. Rachel's. She doesn't know. She doesn't care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the flash backs : I was inspired by an old TV show I loved when I was young, The Pretender, in which we have informations about the main character's past, by videos documenting his whole childhood.


	4. Stockholm Syndrome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit special, there is just Sarah's point of view. Don't worry, there is a lot about Rachel though :)

  1.  Stockholm Syndrome  
  




_Sarah_

 

She stays still in the armchair for several minutes, exhausted, vaguely aware of Delphine speaking softly to her. She feels the doctor's warm hands on her face, wiping away her tears, and bringing a glass of water to her mouth to rinse the metallic tastes of blood and incomprehension. She cannot move, cannot look away.

Finally, it is Swan that gets her out of her torpor: Delphine puts the baby on her lap and Sarah cannot help but to slowly come back to life. She smiles at the little girl through teary eyes. Swan babbles with joy and curls against Sarah's chest. They stay like that for awhile, again. Until Sarah remembers it must be time for the baby to have her milk in the garden and enjoy half an hour of sunlight. It is pure maternal instinct.

Delphine accompanies them outside. They sit on the wooden bench and don't speak for a moment, the baby filling the silences by gulping her milk with appetite. It is Sarah who finally speaks first :

"I don't understand, what happened to Rachel when she gave birth to Swan?" 

"I can only make suppositions. I guess Neolution's technology was not strong enough to allow Rachel's uterus to keep the baby until the end of the pregnancy. She wanted a baby with all her soul but her body finally rejected Swan. Fortunately, you were there."

"But it doesn't explain the blood poisoning."

"You're right, it doesn't. It is another problem, based on the fact that it was not Rachel's egg, but yours. You are clones but you are not the same. Especially you and Helena. Your DNA is different from your other "sisters". I guess it was ok for Swan to have her mother's blood when there was an intra-uterine connection between them, but when she was born it didn't work anymore. That kind of problem can appear, for example, when mother and baby have discordant blood groups. When the mother has a negative rhesus and the baby a positive one."

Sarah listens with interest, the baby playing with the rubber nipple of her bottle.

"Swan was beginning to choke when I suspected it could be blood poisoning. I took the risk to perform what we call an exsanguino-transfusion ; I exchanged Swan's blood with yours. It was a great risk to take, the baby was premature, you were very weak, and we were not in proper conditions to practice such a complex medical procedure. But it worked. I- I am sorry Sarah, I could have killed you playing Doctor Frankenstein with your lives." 

"You did the right thing, Delphine."

The French woman is pale under the lazy afternoon sun, her beautiful hair floating around her shoulders. She looks like an angel, and at this very moment, Sarah completely understands Cosima's attraction to her. It makes her smile inwardly to think about Delphine as an attractive person where her personal and intimate life is so deeply buried inside her that she is not sure she will have it back one day.

"What I don't understand is, why did Rachel act like that when you told her I could die ? Why give her blood to save me?"

"I am still asking myself that question. I guess she wanted to thank you for saving her baby's life."

"It is not Rachel's style to say thank you."

"I know. But there are a lots of things she did or said after that that are not Rachel-like."

"Indeed."

They smile at each other.

"Delphine? There is something else I would like to ask."

"Yes?"

"If Swan was made with my egg, and if she has my blood, does that mean that Swan is my- my daughter?" Her voice breaks into a sob. Delphine envelops Sarah's shoulders in her arms and whispers :

"I can't answer this question with yes or no. You know deep inside that Swan is not your baby, she is Rachel’s. And yet, genetically, yes, she has your blood and came from one of your eggs." Sarah buries her face in Delphine's warm neck " You are well-placed to know that genetics don't make parents. Love does that."

They stay in that position until it is too cold for Swan to stay outside. When they reach the fireplace to warm themselves, Delphine says gently :

"Sarah, can you promise me you will not watch the other videos in Susan's office?"

"No. I can't."

Delphine smiles.

"I was sure you would say that. Please, at least promise me you won't tell Rachel."

"Sure. Thank you Delphine."

They spend the rest of the afternoon and the evening taking care of Swan, giving her a warm bath and listening to classic music with her. When the baby starts showing signs of tiredness, Sarah sings her a song she used to sing to Kira when she was a baby.

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_How I wonder what you are!_

_Up above the world so high,_

_Like a diamond in the sky._

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,_

_How I wonder what you are!_

And Swan falls asleep, her little warm body abandoned in Sarah's arms. She carefully puts her in her bed and quietly leaves the room. She heads straight to Susan's office. Delphine is waiting for her with a full mug of coffee.

"You know this is going to be painful."

"I know. I need to understand why she is like that. Or was. Whatever."

"Ok. I'll come for you if Swan wakes up."

"Thank you, Delphine."

She closes the door behind her. She needs to be alone to do this. Sarah sits on the leather armchair, leans back and breathes deeply before pressing the play button.

 

**_Rachel Duncan, May-September 1992_ **

**_This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (May 26th, 1992) :_ **

A young professor Leekie is holding a little girl by the hand. They stand in a child’s pink bedroom. The girl looks superficially calm but her eyes are red and tired, and her free hand tightens firmly on a blond doll with a green dress. She has perfectly symmetrical brown braids and she is wearing a black dress with big white dots on it. 

The professor says in a gentle voice :"Rachel, this is your new room. I hope you like it."

"Yes. Thank you, Professor."

"I am sure you’ll be happy here. Look, we brought your clothes and toys from your previous house."

"That is kind of you, Professor."

"You can call me Aldous, Rachel."

"Ok, Professor- Aldous."

Leekie smiles at the child. He kneels down and turns her small face to look at him :"Listen, I know it’s hard. But you will get used to it. I was a good friend of your parents, they wanted this for you in case something happened to them. And in September you will start a new school, you will make friends, ok?"

"Yes-"

"You are really important Rachel. You don't understand yet but your are promised to a great future." He stands on his feet "Look, take your time to discover you room and I will come back to take you to dinner, ok? If you need anything, you can use that button, and Tony will come to see you. Ok?"

"Ok. Thank you."

"Good girl."

He leans to kiss her forehead and is about to leave the room when Rachel says in a little voice :

"Professor Leekie? Aldous-"

"Yes Rachel?"

"My parents – can they see me? From heaven?"

The professor represses a smile and answers with a condescending voice :"No, Rachel. There is no heaven, you know that don't you? Your parents are dead. They are not watching anyone from anywhere."Then he closes the door. And locks it.

The little girl sits on the edge of the bed, her doll against her chest. She fixes the walls and starts crying silently.

 

**_Rachel Duncan, September-December 1992_ **

**_This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ ** ****

**_Embedded hidden camera, boarding school - England (September 1st, 1992)_ **

She is wearing a navy blue uniform and stands still in the middle of a very well-maintained garden. The large, gray stone manor exudes the promise of a strict, heartless, elitist education that British lords and rich parents from all over the world want for their heirs. Tony is next to her, carrying the suitcase with her personal effects for the year to come. At least, for once, she is not the only child without her parents. Most of the kids around her are accompanied by a servant or a driver. For the first time in months, she feels almost normal.

"I'll leave you here, Miss Duncan. I'll come back for you for Christmas holidays."

"Thank you, Tony."

She would like to take him in her arms, she is afraid, her bare legs are trembling from both the weather and the fear.

Tony seems to notice that, he smiles and says in a less professional voice :"I'm sure you'll be fine kiddo. Trust yourself, you are a warrior."

He gives her an affectionate caress on the head and leaves her there. Rachel sighs to give herself courage and she enters the austere manor, carrying her heavy suitcase with both hands.

**_Rachel Duncan, June-August 1993_ **

**_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Lab camera, DYAD institute (July 30th 1993)_ **

The young girl is sitting quietly on a large armchair. Eyes fixed on her feet, she looks morose. The people around her do not pay attention to her, since she has sat here every morning since the beginning of summer holidays, waiting for a doctor, a nurse, a psychiatrist, someone wearing a white blouse to come and take her to make tests. Today is a scary day. They told her she was going to have a lumbar puncture. She doesn't know what it is, but she imagines something bad, much more painful than a blood sample or even a session with the psychologist that forces her to watch videos of her with her parents and talk about what she feels for what seems hours. A blond nurse comes to her and says in a falsely cheerful voice :

"Hello Miss Duncan, let's start ! Could you please remove your dress?"

Her smile looks so fake that Rachel tries to avoid eyes contact with the nurse. She undresses and stands, shaking, next to the operating table.

"Allright, lay on your side, please."

Rachel feels her courage decreasing while she climbs on the table and lies down. She closes her eyes to prevent them from being seen crying. A male doctor enters the room, he put a cold hand on her naked hip, making her jump. 

"Hello Rachel, I am Doctor Smith. I am going to practice a small local anesthesia on your lower back. It will probably sting a little."

Her whole body starts shaking uncontrollably. She can't help moaning with fear when she sees the large needle they are going to use. She tries to raise but two strong hands retain her. She begs with a trembling voice :

"Please, let me go-"

"Don't move Rachel, it is very important." the doctor caresses her cheek, increasing her urge to escape.

"Please, do not touch me"

She struggles with all her strength, but suddenly she is pushed flat on her stomach by the massive powerful hands, and someone put cuffs around her wrists to hold her still. She screams with a broken voice :

"Let me go! Don't touch me! Please!"

The strong hands maintain her lower back still, hurting her more than the needle that enters her spine. She has the feeling that hands are burning her flesh permanently, that no one could touch her again, ever. She can hear through her own screams, the sweetish voice of the nurse :

"It's for your own good"

She nearly faints when they start sampling the bone marrow.She cannot see, but she can still hear the voices.

"Maybe we should have sedated her."

"It is not necessary, she can perfectly handle this"

"Not for her, but for us. Her screaming hurt my ears!"

"Yeah. That is the problem when you work with humans instead of robots"

"According to what I know, they are trying hard to make this one a human robot."

She hears them laugh hard, then she hears nothing more.

When she wakes up, a burning pain enfolds her whole body. She notices a bandage around her right wrist. Eyes half closed, she recognizes Leekie's voice from the corridor, speaking to a man, and visibly angry :

"You broke her wrist in the process, are you mad ?"

"She tried to escape, we couldn't predict such a reaction, Professor."

"You should have sedated her in that case."

"I know, it won't happen again."

"No it won't doctor Smith. You are not working here anymore. Damaging the Institute's equipment is a violation of your employment contract."

****

**_Rachel Duncan, June-August 1994_ **

**_This videotape is the property of the DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (July 1st, 1994)_ **

Back in her pink room for the summer, she asks herself what kind of holidays Leekie and the institute are preparing for her. At least it will be hard to be worst than last year.

Professor Leekie is there to welcome her :"Hello Rachel, welcome back home!"

"Home? Maybe it is a little presumptuous to call this room home."

"Well, they forgot to teach you good manners this school year, it seems."

"I don't want to spend my summer like last year." She looks determined, stubborn.

"Oh? What was wrong last year?"

"I spent two months undergoing medical tests for you and the Institute !"

The professor smiles kindly."Ok, I understand. But we need to be sure you are in good health."

"You can do that in a day!"

"Well. Ok. What would you like to do this summer?"

"I want to learn how to play the violin!"

"Oh, really? It doesn't sound like a lazy holiday. The violin is a very hard musical instrument to learn."

"I can do it."

"Ok. I will see what I can do."

"Thank you, Aldous."

He closes the door. She doesn't pay attention to the locking sound anymore. She is trapped, but even if she was not, where would she go?

 

**_Car Camera, DYAD Institute (August 22nd, 1994)_ **

****

"Tony?"

"Yes, Miss Duncan?"

"Do you have children?"

"No, Miss Duncan. Why?"

"I think you should."

"Oh yes? Why?"

"You are kind with them. I mean- at least you are kind with me..."

"Hey, kid ! What's wrong with you?"

He stops the car. Next to him, Rachel is crying silently. He know he should probably not be doing it, but he takes her in his arms and says gently :

"Who’s unkind to you, kiddo?"

"No one."

"You can tell me, ok?"

"No, I can't. You would repeat it back to Professor Leekie."

"Hey ! Hey ! I'm not a traitor ! If you need to say something to me, you can say it, I won't betray you-"

"I- I miss my parents."

He strokes her back for a while."Look kid, I can't make your parents come back but- I can take you to their grave."

"Really? You can?"

"I'm a driver, remember?"

Rachel throw herself in his arms and stays here for long minutes, crying with gratitude.

"Allright, clean up the mess on your face, or we’ll be late for your violin lesson."He gives her a paper tissue and starts the car.

 

**_Bedroom Camera, Dyad Institute (August 31st, 1994)_ **

Rachel has just finished packing her suitcase when someone enters the room. She is used to this lack of privacy. Even if on some rare occasion, someone actually knocks on the door, no one waits for her to say yes before entering.

She doesn't know the man standing on the doorstep : "Are you ready to go, Miss Duncan ? I will accompany you to your school."

"What? Where is Tony? He was supposed to come with me to London?"

"I am sorry Miss Duncan. Tony died last night. A car crash. It is a great loss for the Institute."

Rachel feels her legs not carrying her anymore, she can't breath due to the scream trapped in her throat. She faints and fallsto the floor.

 

**_Rachel Duncan, September-December 1994_ **

**_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Bedroom Camera, boarding school - England (October 17th 1994_ )**

Rachel is sitting on the only chair in her austere room. She doesn't look at Professor Leekie, who is sitting in from of her on the little bed. She looks at the wooden floor instead, stubbornly silent.

"Rachel, your teachers made me jump on the first plane yesterday because they were worried about you. Since the begining of the year, you have refused to work in class, you barely eat, and yesterday you fell from a horse because clearly you hadn't had a proper meal for two days. What is wrong with you?"

The girl doesn't answer, eyes fixed on the floor, lips tightened hard. Leekie sighs, visibly annoyed.

"I don't have the whole afternoon, young lady."

He waits for a few seconds and suddenly stands up, making Rachel jump in her chair.

"Rachel Duncan ! Look at me, _now_!" His voice is low and threatening. She lifts her eyes to look at Leekie.

"I will not deal with a stupid, silent child!" He grabs the back of the chair with anger and turns it violently so that Rachel is now facing her little desk. She represses a cry of pain and fear. He puts a little computer in front of her and presses the play button.

"You don't want to talk? Then watch."

On screen, a little girl that looks like her, so much so that it could be her, is praying at church with a woman who could be a mother next to her. Leekie presses another button.

There is another little Rachel playing on a field with three other children. They are building a hut with sticks and old sheets. The girl’s hair is different, shorter and quite disheveled. Apart from that, she is a perfect replica of Rachel herself.

Another scene : Again, a little Rachel, this time dressed in a real princess dress. She receives a ‘Mini Miss’ first prize.

Rachel feels so strange that she whispers :"Please, stop."

Leekie pauses the video. More gently than before, he turns the chair so Rachel is facing him again. She has tears in her eyes, her hands shake.

"Do you know who these little girls are?"

"Yes. They are my sisters."

"Your parents told you?"

"My father."

"They are not your sisters. They are your clones. Do you know what a clone is?"

"Yes."

"What is a clone, Rachel?"

"It is the same person as the original one."

"Exactly. And what does it mean for you?"

"It means…that I am not alone." she whispers the end of her phrase like a prayer.

"Wrong. You _are_ alone. It means you are not irreplaceable."

His eyes are cold on her, making her whole body shiver.

"Now listen to me carefully. I am not your enemy. All I want from you is that you follow the path we chose for you. You are young, you don't understand why all of this is important. But one day Rachel, you will lead the DYADInstitute. You will be one of the most influencial people in the world."

He smiles at her, caressing her cheek, making her tremble with fear and disgust.

"And if you want to rule the world, you have to learn at school, do you understand?"

"Yes."

"So. You will go back to work then?"

"Yes. But-"

"Yes?"

"If I fail, will you-replace me with another sister. I mean another clone?"

"I don't think it will be necessary. Will it?"

"No. It won't."

A hand on the girl's neck, he presses her against him gently.

"That's my Rachel. Good girl. Now, go back to class."

She stands up quickly, visibly happy to escape Leekie's embrace. When she stands at the door, she turns to face him and asks :

"Aldous, can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly."

"Why did you…why did the institute kill Tony?" Her look is defiant again, apart from the tears still shining in her eyes.

"No one killed Tony. He died in a car crash. You can trust me, it was an unfortunate accident."

She is smart enough to keep her thoughts to herself and she leaves the room to return to class.

****

**_Rachel Duncan, May-September 1998_ **

**_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (June 21st 1998)_ **

 

"I'm proud of you Rachel."

"Thank you, Aldous."

"You’ve proved to me that I can count on you."

"No. I proved to _myself_ that if I work hard I can achieve whatever I want."

He smiles to her. She is an teenager now. She can see pride in his eyes, and maybe a bit of worry for the years to come. She is not a child anymore. She won't be so easily malleable.

"Aldous, there is something I would like to ask you. A favor."

"Tell me."

"I need- Well I need privacy. The cameras, I would like them off. Sometimes."

"Since when do you know about the cameras?"

"Since you showed me the other clones when I was ten. And I guess, since I saw a man discreetly - well not that discreetly - following me to my music class two years ago. Look, I understand the importance of the monitoring. But please, at least tell the guards that are following me everywhere to stop. I have proved I was trustworthy, have I not? I do what I am asked and all I do is study in class, practice in the orchestra, and go to my sports session twice a week. I even let your shrink study my dreams and worry about my ‘lack of social interactions’ every summer."

"Allright." He gives her a condescending, disillusioned smile. As to say sorry in the only way he could. "I'll ask the guards to stop following you."

"Thank you. I will not disappoint you."

"I know."

"There is something else -I want to learn Japanese. Not French. It is more interesting for my - career."

"Well, you have a good point. I will see what I can do."

"Thank you."

He is about to leave the room when he pauses instead and says in a gentle voice :

"Thank you again for tonight. You made me love _The Four Seasons_ even more."

 

**_Rachel Duncan, September-December 2000_ **

**_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ ** ****

**_Embedded hidden camera, School / Conservatory music path - England_ **

**_(November 18th 2000)_ **

She is walking quickly on the dark road. She had missed the bus because she was absorbed in her history assignment. Her violin on her back swings as she hurries along. She is listening to Mozart's Third Concerto for Violin on her MP3 player, very loud. So loud that she doesn't hear the person approaching her from behind and grabbing her violently by the arm. She tries to scream but her voice stays locked in her throat.

The tall, strong man tears her earphones off, puts a massive hand on her mouth and says in her ear :"You scream, I kill you."

 He doesn't wait for an answer and pushes her in front of her, leading her to the edge of the surrounding forest. She is shaking so much that she nearly falls on the grass. The man grabs her by the waist and carry her to a tree where he pushes her against the trunk. She cannot see his face, there are too many tears and fear in her eyes. She says in a broken voice :

 "Please-please, don't hurt me-", her voice broken by fear.

 "Shut up, Princess. If you move, it'll hurt more."

 He presses a cold knife against her chest, making her choke out a sob. With his free hand, he roughly gropes her inner thighs.

 "This uniform doesn't do justice to your spectacular body." And in a fluid, expert movement, he rips her shirt with his knife, making Rachel whimper :

 "Please don't touch me."

 That last sentence makes her aggressor laugh with gusto, then he punches her hard in the face. Her lower lips splits, smudging her bare chest with blood.

 "Shut up."

His hands grab her throat and he begins to strangle her."You speak again and I'll break your neck."

She can barely breathe. Only the flow of adrenalin coursing through her body is preventing her from fainting at this point. Then, suddenly, her eyes focus on the camera, as if she had actually spotted it. Her eyes and mouth silently beg for help. The camera doesn't move and keeps filming, like a traitorous, cowardly bystander.

Abruptly, in an impulse of self preservation, she uses her shaking knee to hit him in the groin, just as the man lowers his grip on her to focus on her exposed chest. That self-defense gesture was buried so deep in her brain, she didn't even know she had it. The pain makes him drop the knife, and she hits him again with all her strength. According to the cracking noise and pain she feels in her fist when she hits him in the face, she has probably broken her wrist in breaking his nose. She finds her violin, which she doesn't even remember dropping, and hits the man blindly with it, unable to stop her rage and barely aware of what she is doing. Suddenly she realises the man is no longer moving. She drops the broken violin, turns around to look for the camera man - who is still filming, hidden in the depths of the forest. She gets up, her bare chest covered in blood, and screams :

"Help me!"

Then, she falls on the ground.

 

**_Embedded hidden camera, local clinic - England (November 19th 2000)_ **

 

She is sitting on an hospital bed, her face and bare arms covered in cuts and bruises. Her left hand and forearm are in a cast. Leekie is there. She is shouting : 

"You promised me there would be no more guards and cameras everywhere Aldous! You promised me ! And when I discover there is still someone following me, the idiot doesn't move while that man was about to rape me ! "

 "I know, I am so sorry."

 "I could have died!"

 "Rachel, I am sorry."

 "You said you wanted me safe ! What am I to you, Aldous? What was that? Another experiment to see if I could manage an assault? Look at the video –it is quite conclusive!"

 "I swear that it was not planned!"

 "I don't trust you, Aldous. How could you do that to me ? You have already done so much- do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I still believe Tony died in a car crash? Or that the only friend I made after four years of school suddenly disappeared, after we shared a kiss?" Her eyes are full of tears of rage.

 "Listen, I can assure you that this will never happen again. No more hidden cameras. I-"

 "Maybe this was the way the Institute found for me to never think about sex anymore."

 "Rachel don't be stupid, we are not such...control freaks."

 "Aren't you?"

 "Look, please forgive me. It won't happen again."

 "No it won't. From now we will work according my rules. Or you will have to find yourself another puppet that looks like me to do the job."

 "It won't be necessary. You have my word." He is about to caress her bruised cheek with a gentle hand when she moves back sharply to avoid the contact.

 "Don't. Touch. Me."

He retreats slowly, and whispers : "I am so sorry, Rachel." 

He stands still at the door, looks at her with a worried, apologetic look and adds : "You know, you were very strong last night. Your parents- they would be proud of you."

A sarcastic laugh painfully escapes her injured mouth:

"My parents? Seriously? My parents are dead, Aldous, they are not proud, for they are not watching anyone from anywhere. You told me that exact phrase when I was eight."

She holds her gaze for several seconds and as Leekie is about to leave the room she says:

"Two more things. You can return the new violin you offered me, I'm done with music. And I want a talk with the cameraman from yesterday. Alone."

 

**_Rachel Duncan, June-September 2002_ **

**_This videotape is the property of DYAD Institute - For internal use only_ **

**_Bedroom Camera, DYAD Institute (June 29th 2002)_ **

 

Leekie is sitting on the bed, a piece of paper in his hands. He looks preoccupied. Suddenly, Alan Nealon enters the room. He greets him quickly.

"What was so important you could not say it on the phone, Aldous?"

"She’s gone."

"What?"

 "Yes, she didn't came back from school this morning. She was not on the plane."

 "Oh, dear God!"

 "And there is more. She hacked the DYAD's computer system. She emptied two of the offshore bank accounts we have."

 "How much did she take?"

 "Two million."

 "Damn it. We have to find her."

 "I know."

 "At any price, Aldous. She is the only one Westmorelandtruly cares about."

 

**_Aldous Leekie's office Camera, DYAD Institute (September 15th 2002)_ **

She sits comfortably in one of Leekie's soft leather armchairs. Legs crossed, she is wearing silvery high heels that make her look much older, with a white and silver classic straight dress. Aldous Leekie is looking at her with mixed respect and fear.

"Your hair, it’s beautiful, Rachel."

"Thank you, Aldous. Brown was too popular with the _clone club_.

A short, blond haircut frames her sophisticatedly made-up face. Her lips shine with a dark red lipstick.

"I came back with some conditions I would like to discuss with you."

 "Sure. I am glad you are back, Rachel. Truly."

 "Here are my requests : I want both an office here, next to yours, and an apartment. I am done with England. Columbia University offers an ideal distance-learning program. And then you can introduceme to the DYAD's partners and clients. It is time for you to share the leadership of the Institute."

 "That sounds like a good idea."

 "From now I will choose my monitors. And the places where cameras will be."

 "Fine."

 "And, lastly, no more secrets. Or I will disappear for good. The changes you made on the computer system won't stop me."

 "I agree to your conditions."

 "We have a deal, then. I will see you tomorrow."

 She gets up, elegant and confident, smiles at Leekie and turns on her heels to leave. He stops her with a question.

 "Rachel. Where have you been?"

 "You are going to laugh, Aldous. I was in France. Too bad I didn't know their language."

 Her smile looks fake. He knows for certain she will never trust him again.

 "If I had learnedFrench, maybe I won't have had my left nipple pierced. Oh sorry, you look shocked.After all, I thought it was important for you to know that I _permanently_ damaged the DYAD's highly valuable property."

 She leaves the room with a victorious smile on her face. Leekie feels certain she is not just talking about the piercing.

 

 

Back in Susan’s office on the island, when Sarah finally turns off the screen, her eyes are red with exhaustion and too many emotions. It is 3 a.m., and her only wish is to sleep for as long as possible. She goes straight to her room where Swan is slumbering quietly. She takes the baby in her arms, so in need of her warm, innocent body that she risks waking her up. She slips under the bedsheets, lays the little girl next to her, and falls asleep almost immediately, rocked by Swan's calm and rhythmic breathing.

 


	5. Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, this chapter contains a graphic sex scene. The beginning and the end of the scene are indicated by a line of *  
> If you don't like that kind of scene, please feel free not to read what's between the stars :-)

 V.Not all those who wander are lost

 

_All that is gold does not glitter,_

_Not all those who wander are lost;_

_The old that is strong does not wither,_

_Deep roots are not reached by the frost._

_From the ashes a fire shall be woken,_

_A light from the shadows shall spring;_

_Renewed shall be blade that was broken,_

_The crownless again shall be king._

                                                 -JRR Tolkien

 

 _Rachel_  

In the helicopter taking her back to the island, Rachel doesn't speak much. To avoid making conversation with her compulsory guest, she pretends to be lost in contemplation of the vast sea below them. She is upset, because Ferdinand was right about the board of directors meeting. She can't even say it all went badly : people were overall happy to welcome her as new head of Neolution. However, they asked to take Ferdinand with her on the island, officially to help her in her task. Unofficially, to monitor her. Again. That feeling of being trapped in her own life, deprived of her free will, makes her so angry it hurts. She takes a quick look at the man who has not been able to wipe the smug look off his face for a week now. If she had a gun, a knife, or even a little spoon, she could definitely jump Ferdinand right now and kill him. Even if she is pretty sure he would enjoy his own death as long as it is Rachel who gave it to him.

The only thing that stops her from screaming in frustration is to look at the sea. The dark water is everywhere below, in constant movement, terrifying and hypnotizing with its dangerous grace. When she looks at the horizon, there is no difference of shade where the water and the sky meet. Sombre and threatening, a winter storm is coming toward them. She can already feel the wind strengthening through the vibrations in the helicopter's cabin. The weather seems connected to her, offering to honor her rage. At least it forces Ferdinand to gradually lose his victorious smile and replace it with a frightened pout.

A few minutes later, the pilot asks them to fasten their seat belts. With a calm and professional voice, he tells them that they are going to encounter heavy turbulence, although they will be landing in fifteen minutes as expected. Ferdinand's face is grey now and glowing with sweat, making Rachel laugh. When the helicopter lands on the beach, Ferdinand almost jump out of the cabin, too happy be back on firm ground. He helps Rachel to quickly disembark, his whole body electric with joy when their naked hands finally touch. She shivers with distaste, nevertheless remembering she has not found the time yet to relieve her lust. She releases his hand quickly before he can sense her problem, and puts on the hood of her coat in order to avoid eye contact.

The snow falls in large flakes , preventing them from seeing anything more than one meter in front of them. The strong wind whips their bodies like frozen straps, and the five-minute walk to the house soaks them. When they finally reach front door, Delphine opens to them quickly. After the long journey and the last exhausting walk, Rachel feels almost happy to see her. Well, almost.

After barely cordial greetings, Rachel finally gets rid of Ferdinand so she can look for her daughter. It has been almost ten days since she has seen her. She finds her asleep in Sarah's arms in the living room. Rachel notices Sarah tightening her embrace around the baby's small body the instant she sees her enter the room.

"You brought Ferdinand."

It's not a question but an accusing statement. Sarah's eyes are full of rage. For one long second, Rachels feels like she's going to have to fight to take her daughter back.

"I had no choice."

"There is always another choice."

"Not always, Sarah."

"I thought you wanted Swan safe!" Sarah's tone is low and threatening, she stands up on trembling legs and approaches the blond woman, her stride so fierce Rachel takes a step back.

"Anyway, I was about to put her on her bed for the night."

There is resignation tainted with pain in Sarah's last words. Like a soldier surrendering, with great care, she lays down the sleeping baby in her mother's arms. Before Rachel can leave the room, Sarah grabs her arms firmly and leans to her ear to murmur :

"Never let him touch her. Please."

She doesn't loosen her grip until Rachel's eyes meet hers.

"Get your hands off me, Sarah."

Her voice does not come out as threatening as she would have wished. Sarah leaves the room, bumping into Ferdinand on her way. The man is standing on the doorstep, a look of complete bliss on his face.

"This whole island adventure is going to be so much fun!"

The only thing that prevents Rachel from murdering him is the sleeping baby in her arms. She turns around violently and mutters in a low, cold voice :

"Get out of my sight."

She goes downstairs with her daughter's warm body against her, too happy to escape the man's irritating felicity. Swan's bed has been moved back into her bedroom. Rachel notices a mobile made with origami paper cranes, just overhead the baby's bed. The birds gracefully dance above them. She puts Swan in her bed, gently kisses her pale forehead, and gazes at her for awhile, smiling. Peaceful. Complete.

A small noise brings her back to reality. She raises her head to discover Sarah watching her from the doorstep. Her eyes are red and brilliant and her trembling body betrays a certain nervousness. After closing the door carefully, Rachel rejoins her.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter." She really wishes she could have said _I'm sorry for bringing Ferdinand_ instead.

"There is something you need to see." Sarah's tone is feverish.

Sarah leads her in front of Susan's office door. Somewhere in her brain, she can feel Delphine's _I-told-you-not-to-tell-your-sister-about-the-videos,_ dissatisfied, mother-like look on her. Before entering the room, she looks straight into Rachel's eyes and glares at her. There is pain, anger, and a bit of pity in that look that makes Rachel shiver and understand what all of this is about.

"Why?" Rachel's voice is low and unsure. "Why did you open that door?"

"Do you know what's inside?"

"I can imagine. As I never found them anywhere else."

"I've watched them." Sarah chooses that moment to open the door and quickly enter the dark office.

"You…What?" Rachel follows her inside and closes the door violently, plunging them into almost complete darkness for a few seconds. "Why did you do that?" Her voice is full of rage. She barely hears Sarah's whisper:

"I’m sorry."

She finds the switch and turns on the light. Sarah is standing miserably behind Susan's large desk. As if a mere desk could save her from Rachel's anger.

"I am sorry. Really-"

"You had no right Sarah!"

"I know."

"Do you know how it feels to be monitored your entire life?" A mad laughs escapes her red lips. "Of course you don't." She approaches the desk and snaps in a low, threatening voice : "Sarah Manning. The lucky clone with a free life. The one who escaped DYAD's grip!" Her eyes are brilliant with tears. "But I am sure you can imagine how it feels to be under control your whole, _fucking_ , life." Sarah is petrified, she has never seen Rachel so angry, so out of her mind. "And do you know what's even worse?" She fixes her eyes on Sarah, whose legs are shaking so violently that she has to grip tightly onto the desk for support.

"Answer me !"

"No."

"Knowing that my supposedly dead mother was watching me the whole time. That's what's worse. Until now I hoped the videos were simply somewhere in the DYAD Institute. But thanks to you, Sarah, I now have the proof that my mother knew what they did to me the whole time. And that she didn't try to stop them."

"I’m sorry."

"I don't need your pity."

"I understand now." Sarah's voice is not more than a whisper.

"You understand why I am who I am? You needed to watch those videos to be sure?"

"No. I understand the hate you always felt for me in particular."

"You think you had my special attention? Sorry to disappoint you, but I hated all the clones with no distinction. Leekie made me fear you, _all of you_. From Barbie-Girl Kristal to Brilliant, Gay-is-Ok Cosima. You, Sarah Manning, were never special to me." She says that last sentence with the deliberate intent of hurting Sarah as much as possible.

"You’re lying. I was special. Because I had a child. And because you were envious of my so-called free life." Sarah's voice betrays her strong emotions. Rachel grabs a chair and sits to face her clone.

"I can't wait to hear your story, Sarah." She is so angry that she cannot even fake a sarcastic smile.

"Yes, I lived my life unmonitored. But do you really think I had a nice life? Before I met the other Leda sisters, I had no goals in life! My only plan before finding Beth was to take my daughter back and live off of the 5000 dollars I stole from a drug dealer. Wake up Rachel! My life sucked too!"

They stare at each other for several seconds. Sarah's black eyeliner runs down her cheeks. Rachel's lipstick is faded. Apart from that, their faces hold exactly the same expression of deep sorrow.

"You're right, there. I _am_ envious. I was. But not because of your naive life out of DYAD's grip. I was envious because you- you had a family."

She stands up and turns to leave the room.

"Stop, Rachel! We’re not done yet!" Sarah's voice sounds broken : "You can - you could choose another life."

Rachel's laugh is sad.

"Saint Sarah, who wants all the sisters to live in perfect harmony. So touching." She takes a few step to Sarah "I can't. I was raised for a purpose."

"You are not alone, we can help you-"

"Don't you understand? I was created and raised to do this. My very existence is connected to Neolution. There is no other path for me."

"Oh come on, Rachel !" Sarah's tone is tainted with anger : "Stop with this self-pity! I get it, your life sucked, too. I watched the videos, I know, right? But do you really think Beth's life was cool? Or Helena's? Even Cosima, who is the most stable of us all, has her own issues. It is not even about you - it's about Swan. Is it the life you want for you daughter?"

"Don't-don't put Swan in the middle of this conversation-"

"Yes, I will talk about her! Because I know you don't want that kind of life for your kid. Am I right? You really want to give your daughter the pink, windowless, room you lived your whole childhood in, after all you've been through?"

"Stop, Sarah." Her voice is threatening and trembling at the same time.

"Though, this is what will happen if you keep thinking you can hide her from your Neo's fellows. Human cloning and motherhood are not compatible. Trust my experience."

Rachel's bionic eye blinks compulsively. She bites her lips so hard she can taste her own blood in her mouth.

"Sarah. Stop."

"If you want to follow the path of Neolution, if you really think you can't make your own path, no one can help you. But please, at least let me take Swan as far as possible."

She is stopped by Rachel's fist on her face. The shock is so violent it sends her on the opposite wall. Before she can escape, Rachel's hands are on her neck, holding her against the cold wall, cutting off her air. They are so close to each others that she can see the self-inflicted marks on Rachel’s lips.

"Leave - my daughter – out of this.", she says in a low voice, carefully enunciating each word.

Sarah grips onto Rachel's arms with her hands, fighting for air. She tries to kick her, but her new leg does not respond, and the blond clone is stronger. It is only when she stops struggling that Rachel loosens the pressure of her hands. She releases Sarah's neck to grab her wrists and hold her still, arms along her body, so hard she can hear her bones cracking. As her head approaches Sarah's - so close that she can feel Rachel's breath on her burning cheek, she whispers :

"She is all I have."

For a while, as if the world had changed the passing of time for a slower, time-lapsed moment, they stare at each other. Both wounded, weary, disoriented.

"Only because you refuse our help-"

********************************************************************************************************************************************************

And. In an absurd but fluid movement, their lips meet. Neither of them can tell who started this. Sarah's look crosses over from terrified to even more terrified, while Rachel's half closed eyes are indecipherable.

Rachel's bruised lips are surprisingly soft against Sarah's. First, they just repose on Sarah's, not moving, probably too afraid to break the awkward and yet delicious moment. Sarah feels Rachel's heart beating in her lips against hers, making her own mouth shiver slightly. Then Rachel’s lips part to allow the escape of a sigh of surrender. Sarah takes this as an opportunity and catches the fleshy, bloody lower lip between hers and taste it shyly with her tongue. Instantly, Rachel's body arches, binding Sarah's wrist tighter, making her moan quietly with both pleasure and pain. Sarah bends her body against Rachel and bites the bruised lower lip. A long whimper escapes the blonde's lips, allowing Sarah to take possession of Rachel’s whole mouth.

They kiss for several minutes, eyes closed, Sarah leading the dance even with her hands bound. Rachel’s body against her is warm and tensed, hesitant between the need of comfort and the want of running away. Their mouths, their lips, their tongues are the same, and yet each of them discover unexpected wonders from the other. Sarah tastes like cherry and tears where Rachel tastes like blood and lemon. Rachel's lower lip is very sensitive, while Sarah's inner wrists are positively responsive to the hard pressure of Rachel’s grip. Each time her nails claw deep into the soft skin, Sarah kisses her with more fury.

The kiss leaves them breathless and yet more alive than either ever felt before. Eyes are shining under their heavy eyelids. Through an unspoken mutual agreement, they do not look at each other. Without releasing her, Rachel suddenly leads Sarah into a graceful half turn. She now has her back against the wall, and she can feel Sarah's body pushed against hers. In an imperious move, she presses Sarah's left hand against her lower belly.

With Rachel's helpful, selfish guiding, Sarah's hand finds its way under the blond's clothes, and then her underwear. She rests her hand where the warm flesh reveals it is already wet beneath. She rests her forehead against Rachel's white shoulder and and she waits. Deliberately. Until Rachel is so desperately in need that she has no choice but to beg her. And that is what she does :

"Please…"

Her voice is less than a whisper, low and shivery. Sarah presses her body a little more against Rachel's, puts her lips at the base of the pale neck, tastes it's velvety skin, and whispers :

"Say it again."

Rachel's body stiffens. She doesn't like being talked to and touched like that. But right now, right here, she'd accept anything from Sarah as long as she fucks her.

"Please."

Then, at this very moment, Sarah pushes two fingers inside Rachel. The two of them symetrically open their mouths and let escape a low, animal-like moan. Rachel's hand trembles around Sarah's wrist, sending jerking vibrations through the fingers inside her. Uncontrollably, her hips start a seesaw motion, following, suffering Sarah's slow rhythm. She wants to say her name, to beg her to go faster. But nothing except muffled whimpers escape her half-opened mouth.

Sarah raises her head to watch Rachel. Their eyes finally meet, shining with excitment. Sarah chooses that moment to add a third finger and speed up her rhythm. With a sparkle of challenge in her eyes, Rachel doesn't lower her look. She rests her head against the wall, barely aware of her legs not carrying her completely, focused on Sarah's look on her, on Sarah's fingers inside her. On Sarah all around. 

Then, Sarah's skilled thumb starts stroking Rachel's clit, and all the while can't keep her eyes off her face. She is hypnotized by how similar she is to her now. Without the lipstick, the constant vigilance that makes her face so severe, the crazy, control-freak light on her eyes. Now she looks exactly like her: lost, wild, wandering, fighting for her sanity. Crownless and beautiful. Sarah truly wishes she can change her, make her a better person. And become one herself during the process. At that time, Rachel truly wishes she could take her daughter with her and follow Sarah anywhere, as far as possible from the path she never chose but always followed.

Rachel comes against Sarah with a low, melodious whine. Her whole body tenses, her nails so deeply clawed into Sarah's wrists that the marks will be there for days. Somewhere, inside her mind, Rachel wishes those marks will tell the world that Sarah is hers.

They stay there for some time, Sarah's fingers still inside. Rachel finally releases Sarah's wrists, almost reluctantly. Wobbly on her legs, Sarah takes a few step away from her blond alter-ego, not sure how to end this encounter.

****************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It is Rachel who talks first, her voice slightly hoarse :

"I think you should go."

Sarah risks a look at Rachel. She is herself again, her fair, austere mask back on. She no longer trembles, and any sign of what happened a minute ago has vanished.

"After the storm, I'll ask the pilot to take you back to Canada. Your family has been waiting for you for too long."

She leaves her mother's office without a further look at Sarah.

 

 _Sarah_  

The storm lasts five long days. A compact snow falls continuously, darkening the days and deafening the nights. Everyone waits for a lull, but on the second night a strong blizzard begins to blow. The house fills with the strange, frightening moans of the wind, compensating the deep and complete silence between Rachel and Sarah.

Sarah barely leaves the basement during this time. She refuses to speak to Delphine, who worries a lot about her. She hardly touches the food the French doctor brings. Mostly, she sleeps, cries sometimes, and locks herself in her bedroom. One night, she goes back to Susan's office. She doesn't find the courage to watch another video. She just sits on the armchair and stares at the wall until she falls asleep. When she wakes up in the early morning, she realises someone has put a blanket on her.

The next night, when she wants to open the office door, it is locked again. She goes back to her room and struggles for hours to fall asleep. Unsuccessfully. Availing herself of the quietness of the house, she goes to the kitchen and makes herself a large mug of coffee. Sitting there alone in a semi darkness, she can't help thinking about how hard it is going to be to leave this place. Yes. Hard. She has been waiting for freedom for weeks and now, she feels like she's betraying Swan if she leaves. But honestly, how could she stay? How could she abandon her own daughter once more? And for the purpose of saving Rachel's baby?

Suddenly, a strange noise draws her from her self-interrogation. Like a low moan, carrying a throbbing pain in its tone. She is sure it is not the wind. Feeling the urge to go out and look, despite the terrible weather and uncertain visibility, she puts on the first anorak she finds. It's Rachel's. The scent of her blonde clone surrounds Sarah suddenly, making her shiver and feel slightly nauseated and yet excited at the same time.

She has been lost in that uncomfortable paradox since what happened in Susan's office. Every time she thinks about Rachel, she has to struggle against her need to be as far away as possible from her. And then a second later, she desperately wants to be touched by her. This constant feeling of wanting to be fucked, and at the very same time fearing being stabbed, exhausts her. She has washed her hands a thousand times since that night, but somehow Sarah feels like she can still smell Rachel's fragrance on her fingers. Making her want to cut them off and lick them at the same time.

She shakes her head to discard the awkward, painful memory, and then goes outside. The snow has stopped falling but the strong wind stirs flakes in all directions. The cold cuts into Sarah's cheeks and bare hands, making her feel strangely alive rather than frozen. She can barely see through the heavily falling snow. She stands still against the hostility of nature and tries to focus on the distant wail.

Uneasy on her legs, she starts orientating herself toward the noise. The more she approaches, the more the yowlings are shrill and recognizable. It is a wolf. When she finally finds him, Sarah sees a beautiful young animal whose bloody paw is trapped under a fallen tree trunk. The wolf seems to know her. When she crouches next to the wounded wolf, he howls faintly, obviously begging her for help.

"Here buddy, I'm gonna help you."

Strangely, she doesn't feel afraid of the animal, whose look seems to consider her as a savior rather than prey. With all her strength, she lifts the trunk, allowing the wolf to withdraw his broken paw. Sarah sits next to the animal in the snow to find her breath and to look at the wounded limb. It's badly injured, she can see the bone coming out of the wound. The wolf starts licking it with great care.

"I don't think that will be enough."

Without hesitation, she takes off her anorak and hoodie. She puts back the anorak as fast as possible, the cold biting her exposed skin. With a barbed, frozen piece of bark, she cuts long fabric strips with the hoodie. Slowly, not to scare of hurt the wolf, she makes a makeshift bandage. She is almost done when she hears a voice in the distance, somewhere behind the compact snow waves that surround them. She stays completely still, a hand resting on the wolf's warm fur.

"How long before you can bring her to me?"

"Sarah Manning will leave as soon as the snowstorm is over. She will no longer be a problem." Sarah is pretty sure she knows that voice, but it's distorted by the wind, she cannot be sure.

"I want her before the end of the week. They have been together for too long now. The time has come."

"You will have her if you give me what I want."

"You can do whatever you want with the clone. I only care about..." A strong gust of wind prevents Sarah from hearing the end of the phrase. She stays here, stunned, uncertain of what she heard, pretty sure it is a bad omen for both Rachel and Swan.

She stays near the wolf for a long moment, her whole body freezing by the effect of both the cold wind and the disturbing snippets of conversation she's just heard. When she is sure there is no one left to surprise her, and when her fingers are so cold she cannot move them anymore, she caresses the wolf's back and mutters :

"I’m gonna look for help."

The way back is hard, her muscles are numbed by the wind and her new leg is too heavy; she stumbles twice and nearly falls once. When she finally reaches the house, her hands are so sore it takes her two long minutes to open the front door.

There is no one in the living room, nor in the kitchen; she goes straight to Delphine's room downstairs. When she passes near Rachel's door, she hears the soft babbles of Swan, who is just waking up. She needs all her strength not to open the door and take the baby against her. She misses her. So much that it hurts. So much that she wishes she could stay here with her instead of being with her own family.

She knocks at Delphine's door, barely aware of what she is doing, the baby still in her thoughts. When the French doctor opens the door, Sarah has almost forgotten why she is waking her so early in the morning.

"Sarah, are you ok?"

"I need your help. Outside."

"What? What's going on?"

"I found a young wolf, he is badly wounded. We need to help him." In front of Delphine's dubious, still sleepy look, she takes her hand in hers and adds with puppy eyes "Please."

Delphine sighs and smiles to the frozen, stubborn woman in front of her and says:

"You don't speak to me for three days and now you wake me up at 6 a.m. to rescue a wild animal. Well - glad to have you back, Sarah." She smiles kindly "Let me get dressed."

Delphine rejoins Sarah in the entrance hall ten minutes later. In a little bag, she has put bandages, scissors, a bottle of disinfectant and some pain killers. Sarah looks very anxious about the rescue mission. She has taken meat from the freezer. Delphine says in a tone more amused than reproachful :

"You didn't succeed to tame Rachel, so you try with a wolf?"

"Don't laugh at me ! It's serious, Delphine!"

"I guess you should try frozen food with Rachel too!"

Both repress a laugh before facing the ruthless weather. Sarah leads Delphine through the frozen forest, taking great care not to fall again.

The wolf welcomes them with growls of pain. Sarah bends down to give him a piece of meat.

"Look buddy, this is Delphine, she is a doctor. She’s going to look at your broken paw, ok?"

She caresses the soft fur while Delphine, not very reassured, starts cleaning and bandaging the wound. After a moment, she straightens and says :

"I think that’s about all I can do. Here, give him some painkillers in a piece of meat."

"We should bring him in the house with us."

"Absolutely not, Sarah." She offers an amused smile to the disappointed brunette. "No, he would hurt someone. He is safer here. With the plaster I made, he can move to his lair now. He seems to trust and like you a lot, he will know how to ask for help if something goes wrong. Plus, you gave him food, so he is not in danger of starving."

"Yeah, you're right-but-"

"But now we need to go back to the house and leave him here, because we are freezing and he is no longer in danger. I swear we will come for him tomorrow morning so I can change his bandage. Allright?"

"Yeah, ok." Sarah looks so frustrated, like a child told that it is bedtime, and that makes Delphine laugh.

On their way back, Sarah asks :

"Delphine, who else lives on the island?"

"There were a few people further north, but Ira told me they all left with Cosima months ago. To my knowledge, there is only the helicopter pilot."

"Is there a possibility that there are other people? Even without Rachel knowing it?"

"Well, maybe. There is a landing dock near the little village, meaning people can come by boat. Why are you asking me that question?"

"When you were there, did you meet the guy Cosima told me about in her letter. What's his name - Westmoreland?"

"P.T. Westmorland ? It is unlikely. I know Cosima is sure that he is alive as well as Rachel but, I mean, he would be 150 years old... At best he is an impostor. I'm sure he is just a legend conveyed by Neolution's followers."

"But Cosima is sure he’s alive."

"Look - Cosima was very very ill when she arrived in the northern village. She is sure she has seen and heard things and people, but I have lived here for longer than her, and I never saw the man she told you about."

"I heard two men talking this morning. I'm sure I know one of them."

"Probably Ferdinand and the pilot."

"I'm worried. I think something bad is going to happen to Swan-"

"I think you are sad to leave her. But Rachel will never let anyone get near her daughter, you can be sure of that."

"Except if someone she trusts betrays her."

They enter the house on that last phrase. Rachel and Swan are on the living room, making Sarah's almost jovial mood - although worried - abruptly turn into a scowl.

"Where have you been?"

"Outside." She approaches Rachel, without Sarah giving her the satisfaction of looking at her.

"That's my coat you are wearing? It’s covered in blood."

Angrily, Sarah removes the coat and lets it fall on the ground at Rachel's feet.

"Too bad it's not mine. But you'll still have to wash it if you want to wear it again."

Then Sarah disappears into her room for the rest of the day.

She sleeps through the whole morning. Delphine wakes her up at 1 in the afternoon and forces her to eat something. Sarah spends her afternoon thinking about the wolf in the forest, and about the ominous conversation she overheard. By the time Delphine comes to suggest joining her for dinner, Sarah feels almost certain one of the men must be Ferdinand. She must find a way to deal with him before he can hurt Swan. Delphine's wide smile brings her out of her thoughts.

"The storm is over!"

"Yes, good news."

"Sarah! You don't understand! We’re leaving! Tomorrow morning we are going to leave the Island! I'm coming with you!"

Tears of joy bathe Delphine's cheeks. Sarah takes her in her arms to hide her worries at a time where she should only be delighted to escape this prison.

She barely eats and does not speak much that evening, letting Delphine fill the silences with all the plans she has for herself and Cosima. Too absorbed in her soon-to-be freedom, Delphine does not notice Sarah's lack of cheerfulness. Finally, Sarah feigns tiredness, so she can be alone in her bedroom. She doesn't pack her things, since there is nothing belonging to her there. She sits on the armchair next to her bed and stares at the wall in front of her, not thinking about anything in particular. She ends up falling asleep, dreaming that Swan is kidnapped by Ferdinand, and then saved by a giant wolf.

She is awoken by a hand shaking her.

"Sarah- Sarah-"

She opens her eyes to see Rachel's face a few centimeters from hers. She looks frightened. Sarah quickly sits up straight in the chair. "What?"

Rachel hands shakes on Sarah's shoulder. "Swan- Swan is sick. Do something. Please. " Her last word is a whispered beg.

Sarah jumps on her feet and runs in Rachel's room, not waiting for the blond woman. In her bed, the little girl is covered in sweat, her breathing is laborious. Her eyes are unfocused. Sarah starts undressing her. Her small body very warm, her skin red.

"Hey, Monkey - it's okay, it's okay."

Rachel stands next to Sarah, unable to move."Swan has a very high fever. You need to give her a lukewarm bath."

Standing still in her silk pajamas, Rachel doesn't move or answer, petrified by fear. Sarah puts the baby down in order to grab her clone's shoulders and shake her firmly. It is the first time since they were together in Susan's office that their eyes meet again.

"Rachel ! Your kid needs your help ! You can freak out later ! Come on, prepare a 38- degree bath  - _now_!"

Like a robot, Rachel does what she is told, her limbs shaking violently. Sarah finishes undressing Swan and takes the baby against her chest, wrapping her with her shirt. She sings softly in her ear to reassure her.

When the bath is ready, she puts the moaning baby carefully inside. Less than a minute later, Swan's skin starts to become a normal pink again, and her breathing slowly calms. Her eyes stop rolling a few seconds later. Sarah keeps singing to her, barely aware of Rachel sitting next to her, breathing heavily, watching the two of them intently.

"Here, you see? The fever is lowering, thanks to the water."

After ten minutes, Swan looks better, her heart rate is normal again, and her big eyes stare at the two women in front of her in a combination of surprise and tiredness.

"Get a towel, we need to get her out of the water now."

Sarah wraps the baby in the large towel. She dries her with great care and dresses her again. While concentrated on the baby, she says in a soft voice :

"Rachel, you need to calm down - Swan needs to be against you. But if you are too tense it’s not going to work."

Rachel is sitting on the edge of her bed, trembling, a dazed look on her face.

"Can you do that? Can you calm down?"

Rachel acquiesces.

"Lie down on the bed."

She does what she is asked. Sarah puts the baby on her lap, Rachel is not even capable of taking Swan in her arms. Sarah unbuttons Rachel's pajamas carefully, exposing her bare chest. Mouth half opened, Rachel lets her do it. Then Sarah slowly puts Swan against her mother's naked skin and wraps her in the tails of the silk fabrics.

"There, take long, deep breaths. It'll help Swan feel reassured."

She sits next to them on the edge of the bed. In less than five minutes, Swan has fallen asleep, but they stay in that position for more than an hour, stunned as if after a big battle. Sarah finally whispers :

"Good job, she’ll probably sleep until tomorrow morning now."

Rachel's face is frozen in fear. She puts her daughter in the middle of the large bed, covers her with a warm blanket and stays there, watching her, while warm tears of exhaustion fall from her eyes. Sarah comes close to them bed and says in a very soft voice :

"When Kira was a baby, she often got very high fevers. It's very frightening and stressful, but it's easy to stop them."

The baby is sleeping peacefully in front of their eyes, but Rachel cannot stop trembling. Shyly, ill at ease, Sarah takes her alter ego's hand in hers and says :"Swan is fine, Rachel."

She turns to leave the room, uncomfortable now that the child is no longer awake to protect the fragile harmony between the two women. When she reaches the door, Rachel's low voice stops her.

"Sarah-"

Sarah turns to face her. Rachel's hands are nervously wrapping her silk pajama around her chest, the fair fabric glittering around her sore body, making her even more miserable.

"Stay with us tonight."

"It'll hurt me more than it'll help you."

"I know."

"That was you plan? To make me love Swan so you could use me?"

"Yes."

"It worked."

"For me too, Sarah."

"Yes. You wanted an heir, you got a loved one."

"And now I’m afraid." It's probably the most honest statement Sarah has ever heard from Rachel.

"Welcome to motherhood."

It is as if an invisible force is holding Sarah there, preventing her from leaving Rachel's bedroom. Leaving Swan in this uncertain world is as painful as leaving Kira when she was a baby. Worse, because Kira had Siobhan. Swan only has Rachel. Rachel, who desperately needs someone for herself.

"Take care of Swan."

She offers her best comforting smile to Rachel. The very best. In which she puts everything she would like to say. Like _Take care of yourself, too._ She leaves the room with a hole in her heart.

The following morning, a glorious sun is shining in the sky. The bright blue sky reflects on every droplet of the sea and on each fresh snowflake, dazzling Delphine and Sarah on her way to the helicopter. The island is so beautiful, it is hard to believe it is the same place as the day before.

They both woke up early to say goodbye to the wolf one last time. The wild animal was walking almost normally, except for the little boot that gave him a certain similitude with Sarah.

Delphine climbs in the helicopter cabin first. When it is Sarah's turn, she seems glued to the ground. She watches Delphine with a desperate look on her face.

"I- I can't."

"Sarah." Delphine gently caresses her cheek.

"I can't leave Swan."

"I know. I can't even say I wasn't prepared to go home alone."

"Please, tell Cosima, Felix, Helena … No - just tell Kira I'm sorry."

"I’ll tell her the truth. She'll understand."

"Thank you."

Delphine takes Sarah's face in her hands and offers a comforting smile.

"Listen Sarah, you need to be careful. If there are people on the island, I bet they are part of Neolution as well. There is a gun, hidden in my bathroom. The mirror has a secret drawer behind it. Just in case."

"Ok."

"In case of an emergency, I know there is a little zodiac boat hidden somewhere in the northern village. I saw one when I was there. You are not that far away from a coast, in any direction. Maybe six hours if you go north."

"Allright."

They smile at each other. Delphine then leans and kisses Sarah on the forehead.

The pilot asks Sarah to back off and he turns on the helicopter’s main rotor, making the fresh snow whirl in every direction. Just before they begin taking off, Delphine shouts into the wind:

"Go, Sarah!"

Sarah runs away from the mini-storm the rotating blades are making, covering her ears against the noise. She cannot hear Delphine saying dreamingly :

"Go - tame your untameable sister."

 


	6. The Grapes of Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops I did it again :) Bed scene in this chapter, full of graphic descriptions and BDSM practices. If it's not your cup of tea, please don't read the paragraphs between the stars lines. 
> 
> Also, someone dies :-O

VI. The Grapes of Wrath

 

_Sarah_

Sarah waits on the frozen beach until the helicopter has completely disappeared in the blue sky. The sunlight warms her body as much as her soul. Unable to make a coherent explanation of her urge to stay, at least she tries to come up with a plan. When she reaches the conclusion that she has none, and that she is completely alone, without an ally, she slowly starts freaking out.

She takes another path to rejoin the house, enjoying as much as possible the apparent freedom provided by the breathtaking nature, trying to leave her worries for later. Without paying attention to where she is going, she finally finds herself at the edge of the forest. Unconsciously, she is looking for the wolf. Careful not to lose herself in the deep, dark maze of trees, she follows the edge of the forest.

One hour later, the wolf is nowhere to be seen. She gathers all the strength she has, all the courage as well, and goes back to the house she thought she'd said goodbye to three hours ago. There is no one on the ground floor. According to the clock in the kitchen it's 9 a.m. - everyone must still be in their respective rooms.

Silently, she goes downstairs. Carefully, she places her ear against Rachel's half- opened door. Her heart misses a beat when she distinctly hears Ferdinand inside.

"So, here we are, little child. Soon I'll bring you to your new mentor, so you can embrace your destiny."

Sarah opens the door wide abruptly. Ferdinand is standing above the little girl's bed. He barely blinks when he sees Sarah, his glowing eyes not reflecting any surprise.

"Get away from Swan, Ferdinand." Sarah's voice is severe and only slightly trembling.

"Sarah!" he exclaims "Of course you didn't take the easy path." He smiles, amused. "I was quite convinced you'd never leave the child. You are an incorrigible, predictable, spoilsport."

"Where is Rachel?" She steps forward slowly.

"The only thing I didn't plan was that you'd come back for Rachel too."

"Ferdinand, you filthy pervert, shut your mouth and get away from the baby."

"Sarah, Sarah, your ingenuity is so touching. I have seen the video of your - special encounter - with Rachel. Oh, you look surprised? You really thought there was no camera in this room? You think Rachel's status would free her from constant monitoring?" A nasty laugh escapes his mouth "No, it was foolish of her to believe that. She has never been more than a figure in a game of chess. The queen, for sure- but at the end of the day she is just a for figure for someone stronger to manipulate as he pleases."

Sarah reaches the baby's bed. She quickly takes Swan in her arms and steps back.

"Where do you think you are going with the child ? She belongs to the chess player."

"No. She belongs to her mother." Sarah tightens her embrace on the baby.

"And when you talk about her mother, who are you referring to? Rachel or you? Maybe both of you." He takes a step toward her, threatening by his obvious knowledge of something terrible. "Listen to me, you should have left when it was time. The truth is painful. You should ask your lover who Swan's father is, for a start."

"Ferdinand, are you jealous?"

Sarah's awkward question disturbs Ferdinand enough to render him speechless for a few seconds. "Yes, you are. Because she let the clone she hates the most fuck her instead of you."

Groping for an escape, she tries to win some time, enjoying the visible pain she is inflicting on him.

"You know, your Queen wanted me so much that she begged me."

The man tries his best not to show how much this hurts him.

"She let me touch her though. Does she let you do that, Ferdinand?"

"Stop this, you little cockroach. She is mine."

"At least, I hope you liked the video, If I had known you'd be watching, I'd have made her beg more, for your entertainment."

He is about to pounce on them when she finds the door and escapes. When Sarah reaches the living room, Rachel is standing in the middle, perfectly still, a look of complete incomprehension on her face. Sarah runs behind Rachel's body, like a child would do to find her mother's unconditionnal protection. Ferdinand arrives at that moment in the room, holding a gun in his left hand. A laugh of chagrin escapes his lips.

"Ah, here you are Rachel. Look who's back."

"Tell her! Tell her what you just told me." Sarah's voice is fierce, hoarse.

"There is nothing I want to tell Rachel now, Sarah."

"You fucking bastard!"

"Please my dear, be polite, there is a child listening."

"Shut up! Shut up you piece of-"

"Stop! Both of you!" Rachel takes a step aside to have the two of them in her field of vision. "Sarah, what are you doing here?"

"I missed the helicopter." Sarah is so agitated her voice shakes.

"Ferdinand, what is she talking about?"

"I don't-"

"He saw us." Sarah's tone is crazy "There's a camera in Susan's office. Someone is watching us." Sarah's legs are trembling so much she backs on the wall next to her.

"What?" Rachel remains speechless for a moment, her eyes going from Ferdinand to Sarah. "Who's watching us?" First she looks at Sarah, who shakes her head to express her ignorance. Then she moves her attention to the man in front of her.

"Ferdinand?"

"You know who." He takes his time, playing with her nerves the same way she used to play with his pleasure: with the precision of a professional pervert.

"Westmoreland. Who else?"

His last word stabs Rachel in the heart, deeply, injuring her more than a bullet could have.

"You knew he was watching me? From the beginning?"

"Yes. The board asked me to come because he told them to."

"You-" she swallows hard "You betrayed me."

"Oh no no, Rachel! Don't put all the mess on my shoulders. You are the one who betrayed me!"

"What are you talking about?!" Her cheeks are red with anger and her eyes reflect incomprehension.

"We had plans. Me and you."

"What? Are you kidding me Ferdinand?" She approaches him, wild, furious and beautiful. She seems to fly with wings of rage "I never – promised you - anything!"

"I did."

"Well, that was unilateral commitment then! You can't make me responsible for your own mistakes. You have never been more than an amusement to me. You knew it from the beginning."

Her last words hurt him just the way he had hurt her minutes before. He stands there, stunned, dazed beneath the judging stares of the two identical-looking women.

"You disgust me." Rachel's voice is low and tainted with sadness.

"And I loved you." His honesty makes both Sarah and Rachel wince, for various reasons. "He is coming for the child any time now. Even if I didn't win, you lost."

Rachel's new eye starts blinking uncontrollably, betraying her deep distress. In an admirably self-controlled voice, she says:

"Sarah, I need you to put Swan safely in my room. Lock yourself in with her. I'll come for you"

Sarah runs downstairs, her ears buzzing so loudly she can barely hear anything else, not aware that she is actually deafened by her own heartbeats. She doesn't lock herself in Rachel’s room as Rachel ordered, but instead she goes straight into Delphine's and finds the gun.

Then she puts Swan in her bed. The only way out of the house is through the front door, so Sarah knows she will be safer there. After kissing the child's forehead, she locks the door and, silent as a ghost, goes upstairs. She stays hidden in the stairs and listens to Rachel and Ferdinand, her sweaty hands clinging to the handle of the gun.

"He’s here, right?"

"He never left the island. The child is too precious."

"Why did you do that?"

"You don't understand. I did it for you."

"For me? Ferdinand, you sold my daughter to the worst person ever !"

"You weren't supposed to love her ! Rachel, you are not the chosen daughter, Swan is ! I made this arrangement to save your life ! I tried to keep you safe from them. You're just a surrogate mother."

"I don't believe you."

"I tried to warn you. You think you make choices, you think you take your own decisions, but all was planned. Except for the disgusting feelings you started to feel for the child. And for Sarah."

"Oh come on, Ferdinand - not that again! You can't really be jealous of Sarah. What you saw, it was nothing."

"You see? You try to justify yourself and that gives you away. The Rachel I knew would have punched me in the face rather than belittle herself to find an excuse."

Sarah hears nothing for a few, very long, seconds. In the silence, she assumes Ferdinand must be drawing closer to Rachel.

"You're a beautiful liar if you don't see you desperately try to persuade yourself you feel nothing for Sarah."

"You saw the video - it was nothing more than a random sexual encounter."

"No. I've seen the video. I saw you, Rachel Duncan, beg your worst enemy to fuck you. I saw you letting this little piece of shit put her dirty hands on you."

Sarah hears the noise of a strong smack.

"Enough!" Rachel's voice is trembling with fury "When? When will Westmoreland come for Swan?"

She hears Ferdinand's laugh

"As soon as I tell him to come. Now, if you give me the child, I can bring her to him and we can escape. It's up to you, Rachel."

At that precise moment, Sarah enters the room, gun in hand and pointed at Ferdinand.

"No, she won't give you Swan."

Promptly, Ferdinand grabs Rachel's shoulder and pulls her against him, his gun pointing at Sarah.

"How sweet. Sarah came to save you, Rachel."

Sarah's hands are barely shaking, she holds the gun steady and takes a careful step toward them.

"Put your gun down Ferdinand. I won't let you take Swan."

"You won't shoot me."

"Ask Rachel if I won't."

Rachel's whole body is tensed with fear and disgust from this forced proximity with Ferdinand. She says in a low voice :

"She’s telling the truth, she will shoot you."

"How can you be so sure?" Ferdinand is obviously taking sick pleasure in having Rachel pressed against him, and Sarah in the line of fire of his weapon.

"She is Swan's mother too."

The two women look at each other, silently celebrating the three of them as a family, forgetting about the danger of the moment.

It is this unspoken conversation, which he cannot understand, that makes Ferdinand's rage explode. He violently pushes Rachel against Sarah. In seeming slow motion, he directs his gun in Rachel's direction, removes the safety and is about to pull the trigger when a bullet enters his chest.

He drops his gun, a look of deep pain and astonishment engraved in his eyes. By the time he falls on the ground, a large red spot already covers his white shirt. On the floor, Rachel looks up at him, her breathing short. A strange strangling sound escapes from his mouth. Obviously fighting drowning in his own blood, his eyes begin rolling. Rachel places herself ahead of him, her body racked with shivers of disgust and fear. With his last, gasping breath, he murmurs, spitting blood all over Rachel's face :

"It was not supposed to end like this."

Then his eyes close and seconds later, he is completely still.

"I told you she'd shoot." Rachel's face is angry and weary, her lips are tainted red with Ferdinand's blood. She stays like that for several minutes, seemingly mesmerized by the blood leaving his body to cover the wood flooring. As Ferdinand’s face turns grey and cold, her hand becomes red in the still-warm liquid. Suddenly, she remembers Sarah. She turns to discover her in the same position as she was when she shot Ferdinand. Tears are flowing from her eyes, she is still holding the gun with shaking hands. She seems to mumble things Rachel cannot hear from where she is.

Slowly, she approaches Sarah. Rachel puts a gentle hand on hers, covering her with blood.

"Give me the gun, Sarah."

Rachel takes it carefully, Sarah showing no sign of comprehension. Only a deep distress. She continues murmuring things incomprehensible. Rachel comes closer to hear her sister's traumatic mantra :

"I killed him. I killed him. I killed him."

She seems absent - withdrawn to a place in her mind far away from the house on the island. Rachel grabs her shoulders and leads her gently to the sofa for her to sit.

"Here. It’s okay Sarah, I’ll get you a cup of tea, ok? I'm coming back for you."

Sarah doesn't answer, a prisoner of prayers she doesn't know who to send to. She doesn't notice Rachel leaving the room in a hurry.

She can't tell how much time has passed as she realizes Rachel is back. She doesn't know for how long Rachel has been speaking to her softly, patiently :

" It’s okay, Sarah, we’re safe now."

She feels Rachel’s hands on her forehead, caressing, and her look on her, worried.

"I activated the security system of the house and called for help. We are under lock down, and safe."

Raising her head to look at Rachel asks an incredible amount of strength. There is blood on her face. She risks a look at the floor. Ferdinand's body has disappeared, it is like it was never there.

"Where is…"A retch shakes her upper body.

"Here. Drink this." Rachel puts a mug filled with a hot beverage directly at her lips and Sarah takes a few sips.

"You need to rest. We’ll talk later."

She is vaguely aware of Rachel helping her to lie down on the sofa and covering her with a blanket. However, Sarah had already drifted off to sleep when Rachel presses her bloody lips against hers for a second in a gentle, tender kiss. Erasing the last trace of Ferdinand's murder. Freeing both of their minds from the horrors of this day.

Sarah wakes up the following morning, still in the living room. Before fully waking up, she enjoys the sunlight bathing the room in a soft warmth. Then, bit by bit, the recent events impose themselves again on her mind. She sits and stares at the floor where Ferdinand died the day before. Because of her. Thanks to her. She is subconsciously looking for a tangible proof of what she did, but the wooden floor has been scoured and there is not a drop of blood left.

There is blood all over her body, though. She shivers with disgust and musters the strength to go downstairs and take a very long shower. As washes the blood off her body, she focuses on rinsing away the guilt of her choice to stay on the island instead of returning to Kira, the shame of killing a man, even if he was one of the worst in the world. She also rinses away all the questions turning constantly in her brain concerning her feelings for Rachel Duncan. It will wait.

She gets out of the shower feeling better. Her sore muscles barely hurt anymore. She can only feel a reassuring hunger beating inside of her belly. She needs breakfast, which suggests she is back to her normal self.

In the kitchen, she finds Rachel drinking tea and Swan next to her in a baby carrier, playing with a wooden rattle. They look at each other for a while, embarrassed to realize that there is no one else to prevent them from being alone with each other now. Or to help them dealing with each other.

"Hello, Sarah." Rachel's voice is stilted, tight

"Oï."

Sarah makes herself a coffee, having something to do helping her in that awkward moment. She takes her time, but unfortunately, Rachel does not seem to be willing to leave the kitchen, so she is forced to sit in front of her. They don't look at each other until Sarah ask in a hoarse voice :

"So, what's your plan?"

Rachel tenses.

"I told you yesterday. I activated the security system of the house and asked for help. All we can do now is wait."

"For how long?"

"I don't know. I can only suppose my communication with Ira was secure. I can't be sure of anything now."

"You asked Ira for help? Not sure if I should freak out right now or wait a few minutes." Sarah's tone is sarcastic.

"To my knowledge, no one asked you to stay and play the good Samaritan, Sarah!" Her tone belies her annoyance.

"To my knowledge, no one asked you to put Swan in great danger. Rachel."

They stare angrily at each other until they both seem to realize it is going to be long and stressful to spend however many days ignoring each other.

"Anyway. Can we at least go outside during the day?"

"Why? Do you have friends to visit, Sarah?"

"Actually, yes."

Rachel raises an eyebrow.

"A wolf Delphine and I helped because he was injured."

Rachel's eyes start shining, revealing to Sarah for the very first time how beautiful she can be when she is what might be called almost happy.

"It was you."

"What do you mean?"

"I know the wolf. He has come to see me every morning since the beginning of the winter. I saw the plaster on his paw yesterday, I didn't know who could have done that."

"That explains why he was acting like he knew me."

"Well, I think it would be very risky to go outside. I don't know who else lives on the island. Westmoreland is surely not here alone. The wolf lives here, he'll know how to survive." There is resignation in both Rachel's voice and Sarah's face.

"So, this is it ? The two of us against the rest of the world?"

At that moment, Swan gives a soft laugh, as if to express that she is there too. Rachel looks at Sarah and says in a whisper :

"The three of us, actually."

_Rachel_

Time stretches out slowly in the house. The two women live in an fragile peace, constantly threatened by the fear of the terrible event to come. She doesn't know how or when, but Rachel knows Westmoreland will come to ask for his tribute. She and Sarah spend their time trying to enjoy being with Swan, not avoiding each other, but relieved when night comes and they do not have to be in the same room for a twelve-hour truce.

On the third day, Sarah finally asks :"Rachel, what happened ?"

Rachel’s whole body tenses. She is not ready for this. In a sharp, uneasy voice she says : "Can we just not-"

"In Paris?" Sarah can't hide a half-smile fast enough, amused at Rachel’s obvious discomfort regarding the subject of what happened between them.

"Oh. That."

"Yeah. That"

"I lived. For the very first time in my adult life."

"You never told anyone what you did?"

"No. Actually you're the first one who dared to ask.

Sarah waits, holding her breath.

"Paris was not my first choice. But since Leekie knew that I have never had any affinity with France, since childhood, so I thought he wouldn't look for me there. First, I spent money. A lot. It was DYAD's money, which made the process even more fun. I bought clothes, shoes, wine. I lived in the biggest palaces of Paris, in the most expensive suites. A different one every night. Then, after two weeks, I started to get bored. I mean, wanton spending at DYAD’s cost eventually lost its thrill. So, I started visiting museums, you know, for the culture."  
Sarah smiles at the idea : if she had a free two million dollars to spend, museums would not exactly be her first priority.

"There, visiting Le Louvre, I met a man. He courted me. It was the first time someone was showing me that peculiar kind of interest. I fell in love in less than a week."

Sarah is very still on her chair, barely breathing, mesmerized by Rachel opening her heart so easily.

"He was not a nice person. He manipulated me for my money. Well, for my- you know- my body. And when he got what he wanted, he took the money and left."

Rachel laughs, reading the pity on Sarah’s face.

"Don't be sorry, Sarah. I found him and he paid for what he did. I just couldn't take back everything that I had given to him."

"It remembers me my first time with a man. Except it was in a bar, and the guy was more a jerk than a French gentleman. Obviously, it was not for my money "

They don't speak for a while, judging each other on their similarities rather than on their differences.

"He is the one who did your piercing, right?"

"Yes."

"But, why do you still have it if he hurt you so much?"

"To remember an important thing I learned. You can hurt me, but I can hurt you more."

"Yeah. Perfect saying to describe you."

Suddenly, Rachel seems to realize what she has just done in revealing herself. Her tone and manner change abruptly. She says dryly:

"Well, it's late. I'm going to bed."

She stands up, her attitude so Rachel Duncan again that Sarah almost believes she has just dreamed the intimate conversation.

"Good night, Sarah."

She leaves Sarah quickly, escaping this strange and unpleasant feeling of being naked in front of someone important, yet while still wearing clothes. Her body starts aching, as much as her soul. The adrenalin that had kept her in on automatic mode the last three days is now waning and she can feel every cell of her body starting to hurt. Simply because she has given in to Sarah.

In the quite reassuring solitude of her room, her baby sleeping quietly next to her, she pours herself a glass of wine to desperately try to expel the images of Ferdinand's death, and the words she herself pronounced ten minutes ago. Burying Ferdinand was hard physically, the ground was still frozen and the images of him wrapped in a plastic tarpaulin made her think about Daniel. But the memories she fears the most are the ones about Sarah being there with her. Her brain seems determined to make her think about her. She really, truly thought she would not see her again. It was the best she could hope after all they went through. She does not want to find coherent words for what she feels for Sarah. She just does not want Sarah in her life. Especially Sarah the savior.

Sarah the mother of Swan.

She pours herself another glass of wine. Nevermind that it is a 600-dollar bottle that you are not supposed to drink to get drunk. She only needs to stop thinking. She sits in her bedroom and she drinks.

Half an hour later, she still has Sarah in her mind. But not Sarah the good Samaritan, on the contrary. In her confused mind, she remembers accurately Sarah the woman who fucked her. In a way she never let anyone else have her. Also in a way she liked so much she'd begged her for more. Her whole body starts trembling with need. She wants Sarah, both to let her do that again, and to make her pay for what she did. She wants her in such different ways it hurts her physically and emotionally. She keeps drinking to forget and to have more, to force Sarah to leave her mind, but praying and begging to take her with her.

She falls asleep in her armchair in the middle of the second bottle, an alcohol-induced sleep offering her a soft way out.

She is woken up by a noise in the corridor. Her sight is still blurred by the wine. Her eyes slowly accommodate to the darkness, as she becomes conscience of her head feeling like it is about to explode. Somewhere deep in her brain, a funny, tipsy Rachel seriously considers, as a top priority, treating her hangover with a Neolution worm.

Then she wakes up completely and all traces of fun disappear as the recent events come back to her mind. Sarah is standing in the doorway, visibly in the same state of uneasiness as she is, convincing Rachel that one can be drunk on too much pain as well.

They stare in the darkness, not needing to see to know they are in front of each another. Rachel murmurs, her tone rather angry :

"Why did you come back, Sarah? I told you to go."

"I couldn't leave Swan."

"That is not your prerogative anymore, Sarah!" Her voice is sharp and erratic. It makes Swan moan in her sleep. She mutters : "Outside, now." And they both leave the room silently. Before following Sarah into the corridor, Rachel locks the door, just to be sure. Sarah immediately reacts :

"See? It is my prerogative ! You made me lock Swan's door the other day, because she was in danger! And now it's your turn – you are giving her the same life you’ve had." Her voice sounds a little crazy and excited in the dark. "Through your own fucking choices, you are putting your child's life in danger !"

Rachel's head hurts so much that she does not answer. Or maybe it is because Sarah is so right. They enter Sarah's room and the dark-haired clone puts on the light, making Rachel wince.

"I couldn't predict what would happen."

"Of course you could have. I mean, is trusting Ferdinand a sign of intelligence? Obviously not!"

"Stop judging me Sarah. I never asked for you help. I never asked for you to come back." She steps forward, angry and suffering. "I asked you to go."

"You never asked for my help? Yeah, you took my egg, you made me meet Swan, take care of her and love her. And now you ask me to leave? It is not that easy!"

"If you'd left, at least you'd be safe now. You were my backup solution for Swan ! And now we are trapped here, waiting for help I'm not sure will come."

"Because you trusted the wrong people. Neolutionists are not trustworthy."

"I am the Head of Neolution, Sarah."

"That's exactly what I am saying. All of this is your fault."

They are at an impasse. They could have argued like that for hours, but are too tired for it. What else could be said ? Neither will apologize or even surrender. Sarah offers a nervous laugh.

"I guess there's nothing more to say. I'm gonna get some rest."

"Yes. Do that."

"Right."

They look at each other once more. Sarah tries to leave the room, but she is held there by a strong, invisible force. Finally, since she does not have anything left to lose, she asks :

"What happened? In Susan's office?" Her look is instantly regretful. She truly wishes she had not asked that question. Rachel takes a long breath before answering.

"You know what happened - you were there." Rachel lets a modest, half-smile appear on her mouth, becoming more sure of herself. More aware of her aborted attempt to stop thinking about Sarah in that way a few hours ago.

"Was it part of your plan?"

"Sarah, no - it was not part of any plan. Or maybe it was part of your plan?"

"Stop playing this game, you know what I mean."

Rachel slowly walks towards Sarah, her skin unconsciously warming as she approaches her.

"What do you want me to say, Sarah? That I am someone else? Yes, your place in my life has changed over the last months. In a way I don't understand and I definitely don't like. You are the reason why I have a child. You saved her. Twice. It bound me to you -and it is the first time that I am actually afraid of someone." She appreciatively notices Sarah losing her self-assurance. She is now so close to Sarah that she could touch her.

And God, she wants to.

"It is so hard to have you in my life. You have always represented all that I fear and hate. The other night, I surprised myself again by asking for your help when I could have called Delphine - because I was so sure that you were the best person to help my child." She inhales deeply. "And to top it all off, I can't get the things you did to me that night in my mother's office out of my head." She pushes Sarah against the wall.

Sarah. Whose breath is short and jerky. Whose legs are wobbly. Whose safety is fading gradually as Rachel approaches her. Not only do they share in appearance of the same body and the same face, they now seem to share a single certainty : the strength of the one weakening the other. The rise of the one engulfing the other.

"You want to know what I think, deep inside my heart of stone?" a soft, yet domineering hand pauses on Sarah's bare neck. She caresses it slowly, observing Sarah's reactions, unconsciously licking her lower lip.

"You want to know if it will happen again?" Sarah's look is a perfect, harmonious mix of fear and desire. Her breathing is hard and her body is docile against the wall. It is exactly what Rachel wants now. To restore her domination over Sarah.

"I think I would like to have you for one, long night. In a locked, windowless room." She leans on Sarah's frightened, rigid body. Her voice is captivating, silky soft and dangerous as too much wine. "Yes, I would like you in a room where you couldn't escape. A room with me as the only way out." Her left hand suddenly tears Sarah's shirt, making her whine softly.

"And during that night, just you and me-" she presses her lips on Sarah's exposed chest "Each in our respective place-" she lets her lips taste the fresh skin. "-I'd take the time to choose what to do to you."  
Skin against skin, she can feel Sarah fighting to stay in control. Rachel laughs, watching Sarah failing miserably at this. " You see, I just need to be sure whether I want you dead or alive." Sarah opens her mouth to let escape a few whispered words:

"I guess you have your windowless, locked room already." Her look on Rachel is straight and proud, despite her obvious difficulty to stay coherent.

****************************************************************************************  
Rachel leans to grab her lips and kiss her. Again. Differently from the first time.With rage and need, masterfully. Rachel digs her teeth deep in Sarah's lower lip, making her cry.

She traces a red painful line with her nails, over the fragile skin of Sarah's neck and bare chest. She'd like to make her bleed, to write mine all over the offered body. At this precise moment, she'd like to put a leather collar around that neck, to attach a leash at it and to tie Sarah at one foot of the bed, half-naked and completely hers. Breaking away from Sarah's body, she says in a low voice :

"Strip."

Without opposition, Sarah turns around, offering her back to Rachel as she starts removing what remains of her shirt. Then, slowly, she unzips and then removes her pants. Now only in her underwear, she turns again to face Rachel. She should be ill-at- ease, but the light in the blond's gaze is so mesmerizing that it gives her the illusion of wearing a golden robe.

Rachel's breathing is laborious now. In a pseudo-harsh voice she says: "Your bra, remove it too."

Docile, Sarah unclasps her bra and lets it fall on the ground.

"Good. Lay on the bed."

Gracefully, Sarah lies on the bed. Rachel starts looking for something in the nightstand. When she takes out a pair of leather handcuffs, Sarah stiffens, panicked.

"You're not going to tie me to the headb-"

"I'm afraid I am."

"No way…"

Rachel presses her lower body on Sarah in order to kiss her deeply, with great care, long enough to disorient her. When Sarah is thoroughly dazed, she stops abruptly, stands and starts leaving the room.

"Ok. Good night then."

"Wait-what? No, no, no-"

"Sarah, we do this my way or we don't do it." Rachel's voice is low, mellow.

"Right. But I need something in exchange."

"Seriously? You're bargaining?"

"I want to touch you."

Sarah's phrase freezes Rachel.

"No."

"Oh come on!" Sarah's voice is a supplication. "I agree to let you tie me up and you don't trust me enough to let me touch you?"

"It's not about trust. I don't like being touched."

"You didn't seem to dislike my hands on you the other day."

"Sarah."

Rachel approaches the almost naked woman on the bed, and Sarah can tell by the look of complete lust in her brilliant eyes that she is about to surrender. Sarah crosses her hands above her head and says in a lascivious, captive voice :

"Please."

In a quick, fluid movement, Rachel is on top of Sarah again, she circles her wrists with the bracelets and ties her to the headboard.

"We'll see about that later."

"Rachel!" Sarah tries to escape but the leather cuts into her flesh painfully.

"I told you I wanted us each in our respective places, Sarah."

Sarah's face is red with anger and frustration.

"Don't worry, I don't intend to hurt you. I'm your only way out, but you're mine as well."

"Rachel! Untie me!"

"Sarah. Sarah- lower your voice or I'll be forced to gag you." Rachel leans down to kiss her belly button, her blond hair caressing the sensitive skin, making Sarah's body arches and a resentful moan escapes her mouth.

"It would be unlikely, since I'd love to hear all the sounds my tongue can make you say."

She gets up and start unbuttoning her shirt, not paying attention to Sarah's muffled protests. As she takes off her pants, Rachel continues talking - not watching, but just enjoying Sarah’s inability to escape her.

"All my life I have searched for love, Sarah. And all my life I have hated you for the freedom you represented. Fate is cruel sometimes. You gave me the love I was looking for. The person I hated the most on earth is the only one who could have made me a mother."

Now wearing only a matching black, silky bra and panties, she climbs on the bed and sits astride Sarah's body. The contact of her inner thighs against Sarah's belly is so delicious it makes them both sigh at the same time.

"You were right the other night. You were special to me." Leaning completely on her now, she presses her knee between Sarah's legs, forcing her to spread them so that Rachel press her body even closer. "You are the one clone, out of all the others, who was capable of captivating my attention. Because you had a family, because you had a child. Because despite everything you think, your miserable life is much more worth living as mine."

Not only does Rachel entirely possess Sarah’s body at this point, but she also controls her mind now - forcing her to listen her whispered words, forcing her to understand the heartless Queen of Neolution she became. She presses her breasts against Sarah's, the silk of her bra sending vibrations all over the tied body.

"The truth is I can't kill you. I never could. Along with my mother and Aldous, you are the three people I would like to kill with my own hands and I can't. You are my weaknesses."

She bends down to kiss Sarah's chest. Her kisses are as soft as her words are bruising. With her tongue, she starts lighting fireworks on Sarah's skin, making the brunette whimper softly for her atonement.

"You know, I really wish I could have killed you when I had the chance."

She takes an already hard nipple between her teeth and starts teasing it slowly, sucking it gently. And suddenly, she bites it hard, making Sarah jump and almost scream out loud. The fragile flesh is so red she could swear she saw a trace of blood. Rachel releases Sarah, retreating almost reluctantly.

"I am so mad at you right now."

They look at each other intently, so many feelings involved that it is impossible for either to read the other’s look properly.

"Why, Sarah? Why did you make yourself so important to me?"

She puts her warm fingers around Sarah's neck and start pressing. First slowly, then harder. Sarah opens her mouth visibly breathing hard, obviously terrified.

"Stop. Rachel…"

But Rachel doesn't stop, on the contrary, she increases her grip. She slips her free hand under Sarah's panties and with no other preparation, she slips a finger inside her, hurting her, making her gasp and probably bleed.

Making her need another finger too.

"Do you like that sensation, Sarah? The fear of losing air, mixed with the pleasure of being fucked?"

Sarah's whole body arches with pain and with pleasure, her cheeks pale from the lack of air.

"Yes, you like that even if you try to make me believe you don't." She smiles, terrifying by her omnipotence "That's what I feel when I think about you."

Without asking for permission, she penetrates Sarah roughly with another finger and leans down to kiss her. It is a strange kiss, Sarah seeming to breathe only thanks to Rachel's breaths. Her moans are weak, the words she tries to formulate, disjointed. Rachel is sure about Stop, please, and again ; she's not sure about more - but she doesn't care.

She tightens her bruising embrace around Sarah's soft neck. With her other hand, she forces a third finger inside, turned on to feel Sarah's wetness, hypnotized by her shaking legs opening widely, by her eyes full of tears and fear, and by her lips slowly turning blue.

Rachel breathing is hard, she quickens her movements ; eyes locked into Sarah's.

"Come, and I'll let you breathe again."

She feels Sarah's muscles starting to tremble uncontrollably around her fingers. "Good girl."

She releases the pressure she had exerted around Sarah's neck, one second before she would have fainted. She leans to kiss her lips, already turning pink again. She collects Sarah's moans and sobs in her mouth, and gives whimpers of desire in return. Her thumb plays naughtily with Sarah's clit, making her wrap her trembling legs around Rachel's body.

That embrace freezes Rachel for a second. Sarah immediately murmurs in a husky voice, "Don't-don't stop."

As if awakened by Sarah's voice, Rachel starts moving again. She is rewarded with a soft and long moan, like a wolf howling under the moon. Sarah's head rests on the bed, eyes half closed, her hair all around her face on the white pillow. She seems to sing a very soft song.

"Please don't stop moving-"

A moan of frustration escapes Rachel's mouth while she watches Sarah come. Without even noticing it, she has started gently stroking Sarah's legs around her own body. Too deeply concentrated in what she feels inside, she doesn't see Sarah watching her intently.

"Rachel."

The blond woman looks at Sarah, seeming to discover her under her.

"Untie me."

Rachel slowly withdraws her fingers and comes undone from Sarah's legs. She sits on the bed, her whole body warm and tensed, her lips parted in silent excuses.

"Please."

"I can't-"

"Look at me."

She raises her head to look at Sarah. She is so excited and lost at the same time that she cannot utter a coherent phrase.

"I want- I want you. Untie me now."

Her self-assurance leaving her, her need of Sarah leading her, she does what she is asked. Sarah sits on the edge of the bed and takes Rachel’s hand in hers. She stands up, very uneasy on her legs and says gently, her voice still trembling from her recent orgasm.

"Get up."

She helps Rachel getting up and leads her near the leather armchair. First, she removes her bra, Rachel opposing no resistance. Slowly, she kneels in front of the blond woman. Very carefully, as if she feared to break or scare her, she removes her panties. Paying attention to touch her as little as possible. Rachel’s entire body is shaking. Sarah says gently :"Sit on the chair."

She sits. Naked and vulnerable. Naked and beautiful under Sarah's mesmerized gaze. Sarah puts one hand on each leg and gently opens them, exposing the most intimate part of Rachel to her. She is still shaking all over.

Sarah says in a soft voice : "I can stop if you want."

"No. Go on." Her voice is feverish, her look offering Sarah the consent she was looking for a minute before.

"You're- You're beautiful.“

"Just shut up and fuck me." Rachel grabs a handful of brown hair and invites Sarah's mouth deeper between her legs

Sarah touches her lips down onto Rachel, and for a second, she does nothing but just enjoy the warmth. Then very slowly, she parts the soft lips, and with a shy, hot tongue, starts kissing. Gently at first, rocked by Rachel's muffled whimpers, then with more passion when she feels the hand in her hair pressing her head even closer. The shy tip of tongue become a fire whip, forcing Rachel to claw her nails into the armrests so as not to fall, forcing her to bite her lips not to scream too loud.

Her hips rock in the same rhythm as Sarah's mouth, in a melodious dance of moans and whimpers. Whenever Sarah stops for a second, to breathe or to look at Rachel, she is forced back to work by the hand curled in her hair. At one point, she gently presses two fingers into the opened sex. Rachel screams this time, unable to contain herself. Sarah starts a fast rhythm, already knowing how close Rachel is. She can hear her beg her name Sarah...Sarah...

She feels Rachel’s thigh responding to the caresses of Sarah’s free hand. Then suddenly, she feels Rachel's whole body tense as she comes. Sarah closes her eyes, enjoying her name repeated a dozen times in Rachel's whispers.

When Rachel stops moving, Sarah removes her fingers and stays there, at the bottom of Rachel’s naked body. They look at each other under heavy eyelids. Finally, Sarah says in a small voice :

"See? It wasn't that terrible, was it?" She offers a fake-apologetic smile and receives a fake-angry slap on her cheek.

"Shut up.". Rachel pushes her, stands up and wraps her tired body in the blanket on the bed. "Better when you couldn't speak, Sarah."

She moves toward the door and turns around to look at Sarah, who is obviously waiting for what comes next. Rachel says in a low voice :

"Come. I don't want to sleep alone tonight."

****************************************************************************************

 

The following morning, they are eating breakfast in a pacified silence, when someone knocks at the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry early Christmas, dear Readers! Your kudos and comments are gifts to me <3


	7. Where Do We Go From Here ?

VII. Where do we go from here?

 

_Rachel_

 

She wakes up slowly, as if still held in a glorious dream. Her eyes are closed, trapping the images of last night in her mind and engraving them forever in her memory. Her naked body is wrapped in the blanket, and tightly intertwined in Sarah's arms. She can feel Sarah's wrist pinning down the sheets, preventing her from escaping. She cannot move and it should frighten her. 

It doesn't.

She breathes slowly, enjoying the quiet, and feeling safe within someone's embrace for the first time in her life. She slowly opens her eyes, now used to the discreet noise her bionic pupil makes when acclimating to the semi-darkness. All she can see in her limited field of vision is Sarah's left arm resting against her : Sarah’s fist, tight and pale, against her hip, her wrist, bruised by the leather bracelets she wore a few hours ago. She smiles and closes her eyes for another luxurious moment, rocked by Sarah's slow breathing. One moment of eternity, to enjoy the feeling of Sarah's body against hers. Once more. She is bathed in the perfect fit of Sarah's chest into the curve of her own back. She feels secure, despite the uncertainty of the future.

She gets up slowly and with great care so as not to awake Sarah and Swan. She pauses momentarily to watch the half-naked, sleeping woman in her bed, defenseless and yet dangerous at the same time. Rachel asks herself lazily what can come from this situation. She laughs inwardly, unable to answer, not knowing where she is going from here. It is as if Sarah Manning has the power to erase the path Rachel was supposed to follow - and to force her to draw a new one. Her heart hurts from being drunk on Sarah's soul. It is a strange and unruly feeling and something she has never let happen before, because it would have meant not being in complete control.

She leaves the room in silence, the images of the night before her only shield. When she reaches the kitchen, still wrapped in her sheet like a bride in white, she can't stop smiling. She, Rachel Duncan, the control freak, the pro-clone bitch, cannot think about anything else but Sarah in her bed downstairs. Her personal nemesis, lying naked there, still wet with lust and bruised up to the most intimate parts of her body, because of - thanks to - her.

Something like a giggle almost escapes her mouth. She is about to battle for her daughter - and for herself - for their freedom and free will. And yet she cannot think about anything other than Sarah Manning, the woman who seems to have permanently changed her into someone she never thought she would become : a mother.

Rachel knows she has at the same time also changed into something else - someone else, whose definition is slowly but surely starting to emerge from a part of herself she didn't know existed.

She feels completely serene, half-naked in the living room on this early morning. She woke up without any plan but to wait for someone to rescue them. Now she knows no one will come. Against reason, she feels convinced that she will find a way to escape, to win. Even against Percival Westmoreland, the so-called immortal father of Neolution.

She makes herself a tea, the half-smile on her face unwilling to fade. Then, she looks straight at the camera, not sure if it is the one with which he is watching her, but certain he will get the message anyway. In a low and melodious voice, full of laughter, she says:

"I’m waiting for you."

Then she sits, very straight, on the chair in the kitchen and drinks her tea. Dreaming and vaguely elaborating on a plan, waiting for the next chess move in a quiet, peaceful resignation.

At 9 a.m. , when the pale winter's sun makes the white garden shine, Sarah and Swan rejoin her in the kitchen. Rachel is now perfectly dressed and made up. White dress, high heels and red lipstick: battle gear. The few hours before sunrise finally brought her the perfect plan. Or at least she hopes

Sarah tenderly gives the baby girl to Rachel, who welcomes them both with a neutral voice :

"Hello, Sarah."

"Hey."

She cuddles Swan's body against her for a minute and then places her in the baby carrier. Sarah automatically starts preparing the baby's formula, obviously uneasy to just sit down in front of Rachel and start acting as if everything was normal and safe. When she is done, she starts looking for something else to do, avoiding Rachel without even trying to hide it.

"Sarah, please sit. I’ve already made coffee."

"Right."

She sits on the edge of the chair, her eyes blinking nervously

"There's no time for being ill-at-ease now. I don't think Ira, or anyone else, will come for us."

"But you said-"

"I said I wasn't sure whether they got my message or not."

"Delphine told me there was a boat somewhere in the north of the village. We should leave."

"Sure. And wait for Wesmoreland and his friends to come for us in Canada? Where your family lives?"

"We could-hide."

"For the rest of our lives? Yesterday you said this was not the life you wanted for Swan. Or for Kira."

Sarah's hands are trembling slightly as she grips her coffee mug.

"I think Wesmorland expects us to split up. You and Swan together trying to escape, while I delay him here in the house."

"I'm not- I won't leave this place without-"

"No. We are not leaving. We wait for him here. We are going to leave this island together. Or we won't."She swallows hard, betraying a tiny amount of anxiety, but not enough to break down her solid determination."He won't hurt Swan anyway. She is too precious to him."

Sarah drinks a long sip of the hot coffee to give her the illusion of courage and control.

"You seem so sure of yourself."

Rachel's lips stretch into a slight smirk.

"Years of practice Sarah. I have learned how to hide my feelings from all the cameras and the vultures around me."

"And how are you feeling inside?"

"Terrified."

Sarah smiles shyly.

"It was true then. You are a real human."

"After last night, you still had doubts?"

"Not really."

They stare at each other awhile, their mouths shut, but their quiet breathing just as explicit asa mouthful of words. In the end, Sarah finally says :

"You know, after all the things we've been through-"

"Sarah, please - can we just- skip the - emotional part ?"

"No. You had the chance to say all you had to say to me over the last few weeks here. I think it's my turn now."

Sarah’s eyes shine with grace and determination; Rachel cannot do anything else but listen. She is right, she owes Sarah her attention.

"I hate you."

This first strike unsettles Rachel deeply; it instantly silences her, its force projecting her against her chair.She is immobilized by the words.

"What I said when you forced me to take care of Swan when you left is still true today. I don't believe you, and I don't think that is going to change one day. I hate you because you made me choose between Kira and Swan. I abandoned my daughter again because of you. You treated me the same way you did with everyone you’ve threatened - you forced me into making impossible choices. The kind of choices you make and then instantly regret for the rest of your life."

Her voice is low and calm, the only sign of distress being the tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I am not going on here again about how you stole my egg - or my leg, because there’s nothing that can be done to fix that. But the pain you inflicted me by forcing me to come back for Swan, and you, instead of being with Kira -I'll never be able to forgive you for that."

"I-"

"Shite, Rachel - don't! Don't say you didn't ask me to come back. You made me love Swan, you made me her mother! You couldn't expect me to leave her here with Ferdinand and Westmoreland."

Rachel's self-assurance slowly cracks as she accepts Sarah's words like a deserved slap on the face.

"You forced me to kill a man. For the rest of my life I'll have to live with a murder on my conscience, because you weren't smart enough to choose good, trustworthy people."

They stare at each other intently : not moving, barely breathing.

"But that’s not the worst. Ferdinand was right. I also came back for you."

She stays silent for a minute, which feels like hours to Rachel, and then speaks again in a low voice:

"I am attracted to you. Like addicted. This feeling - it’s as if my soul has been possessed. Every time I try to focus and think about it, I get so confused it hurts. It is crazy, unhealthy, and irrepressible. I have spent the last week asking myself if you are making me a better person - or some kind of monster. And I am not just talking about us having sex. It's more complicated, more painful. I thought it was a link, created by Swan, by our blood in each other's veins. It’s not. It’s-" 

A sobs escapes her mouths, forcing her to stop and catch her breath.

"You made me care about you. And I hate you for that."

Blinded by tears, she tries to look at Rachel. She sits up straight in her chair, completely still, as if one little movement could break her in thousands of little ceramic pieces. Tears fall from her eyes and she doesn't even try to hide them. She seems frozen, fragile. Sarah stands abruptly, spilling coffee all over the immaculate kitchen floor. She says in a miserable whimper :

"Why did you do that to me?"

For a minute, Rachel cannot move, either physically or emotionally, and just looks at Sarah through teary eyes. When she eventually finds the courage to stand up, it is to take Sarah in her arms, just before she falls.

She wraps her hands, her arms, then slowly her whole body around Sarah - the same untouchable, sacred body she had previously in her life used only as a weapon. Until now. She slides trembling fingers into the brown curls of Sarah’s hair and draws her as close as possible, making the two of them almost one. Burying her face in her warm neck as she holds her, they are now so close that she can distinctly feel Sarah's heart beating against her own chest. And now, she does not feel the usual disgust and fear she has experienced for most of her life, anytime someone touched her skin. Rachel only feels Sarah's body slowly relaxing, shyly reciprocating her embrace.

Neither can say how long they remain together like this, but long enough for every part of each of them to slowly heal again. Without breaking the embrace, Rachel murmurs :

"Please, don't try being romantic again after that."

Sarah exhales a light giggle. With her lips so close to Rachel's skin that her words make her shiver, she says :

"Swan needs at least one of us to have a heart."

Rachel smiles. She loosens her embrace, looking at Sarah with a half-smile back on her face.

"As much as she needs one of us to, I don't know- have a long-term plan in life?"

Sarah laughs, sitting back down at the table again.

"That was mean."

"That's who I am."

"I know."

Rachel sits in front of her, trying to recompose her self-assurance. They drink from their mugs in a peaceful silence - until Sarah suddenly asks in an uncharacteristically small voice :

"What are we going to do?"

Rachel raises an eyebrow. Judging from Sarah's face, she knows the magic of the moment didn't erase the fear of the hours to come.

"If you're already talking about who we are going to invite to our housewarming, may I suggest that it is a bit premature ? "

"I'm serious."

"Listen, Sarah. The fact that there were cameras allowing _him_ to watch me - to watch us - is not the real problem. He thinks he trapped us, just because he knew what I was doing all this time. It is just a tiny, irritating detail. I've been watched and studied all my life. I have learned how to protect myself from the voyeurs. What's in my brain is out of their so-called control."

Rachel’s pride, her cocky certainty has returned.For the first time, Sarah herself feels bathed in that self-assurance. She can't say she is not afraid, but she feels their united strengths. She is finishing what remains of her coffee when someone knocks on the door.

 

_Sarah_

 

Sarah jumps with surprise and dread when whoever it is outside knocks with force on the door. For a split-second, she sees the shadow of a great fear in Rachel's eyes.

"Listen to me carefully, Sarah. No matter what happens, let me handle this. Just…if there's one tiny chance for you to trust me for once in your life, it’s now."

"What-"

"I don't have time to explain. Just trust me. Blindly."

"I… You're asking a lot. 

"Do you think I'd ask you if there was another option? I am _begging you_ to believe me."

"Okay."

"Good.I need you to go downstairs, to my mother's office. Turn on the computer and start the surveillance system.All of the cameras need to be on."

"No. I'm not leaving you here with him."

"Sarah," her voice is low, dominant. "I am _not_ arguing with you now. This is about saving Swan. Do what I ask. _Now_."

"Let me take Swan with me, then."

"No. He'll panic. Now go downstairs, put the surveillance system on, and come back here."

"Oh, fuck- I hate you."

"You’ve already said that."

Sarah holds her glare on Rachel for another second before she runs downstairs to turn on the cameras, her heart pounding. The door of Susan's office has been unlocked. "So Rachel finally has a plan.", thinks Sarah, unsure if that is a good or a bad omen. She executes her task as quickly as possible, not wanting to leave Swan upstairs without her for any longer than necessary. Before returning to the living room, she looks in Rachel's room for the gun, but it is nowhere to be found. Desperate and afraid, she goes upstairs and arrives in the main room at the very moment Rachel is greeting a man with a grey beard and dirty clothes. It is the first time Sarah has ever actually seen Westmoreland. He does not look at all like the god all the Neolutionists talk so reverently about, but rather more like a eccentric homeless person. He looks directly at Sarah as soon as he sees her. His blue eyes seem to pierce her body.

"Sarah Manning, It is almost a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is not shared."

He offers a condescending smile and turns his attention to Rachel.

"How are you, Rachel?"

"Professor Westmorland, shall we skip the mundane pleasantries and get straight to the heart of the matter?"

"We shall."

"Please, have a seat. Sarah, bring Swan with you and join us."

She looks so perfect in her role of boss lady that Sarah feels almost hypnotized; how exactly didRachel turn from the emotional mess she was ten minutes ago into this strong, terrifying woman ? It is true that she was raised, perfectly groomed, to be a leader.All of her mannerisms belie self-assurance, power, and perfect control : a simple look from her begets respect and fear. And now Rachel’s eyes shine with cleverness and determination. Sitting on the grey sofa, in her satin dress and leather shoes, she seems to be on a throne, ready to lead the last battle. Next to her, Westmoreland looks even more miserable with his matted beard and old clothes. 

Sarah takes Swan against her chest and sit in the armchair furthest away from Westmoreland. She wraps her arms protectively around the little girl's body. Swan looks at the people around her silently, her big amber eyes wide with interest.

"Rachel, you know why I am here."

"Yes I know."

"I want the child under my protection as of today."

"And you will have her."

Sarah lets out a near-scream of surprise.

"What? No !"

"Sarah, sit down and be quiet.", orders Rachel. Her eyes on her hold her still in her chair, preventing her from escaping or saying another word. "But first, there are a few things I'd like to discuss with you and the board, Professor Westmorland."

"The board?"

"Yes, the board. You and I being, respectively, the Father and the Head of Neolution, still doesn't exempt us from submitting our will to the directors."

"Rachel, if you're trying to win time, it’s not going to work."

"No. I'm just following the rules, Professor. Just as I was always told to do as I was a child. You chose my daughter to be your successor. But the ultimate decision is a Neolution board of directors prerogative, which we have to discuss together first. Don't worry, I’ve already convened them.We'll be on video conference in a few seconds now."

Sarah and Westmoreland look at Rachel, both silenced by her composure. Seconds later, the projector turns on, sending different images of each director directly onto the white wall of the living room. Swan giggles to see televised images for the first time in her life.

"Good morning to each of you, and thank you for giving us time for this unusual session."

Various responses arrive through the audio system, from the annoyed director in Mumbai, who based on his clothes and tan, has obviously had to interrupt his family vacation to attend, to the shy and honored director of the UK branch, always seemingly stunned to find himself part of the Neolution family.

"We are here to discuss Professor Westmoreland's plan to take my child, Swan, and raise her to be our new head in a few years." Without breaking her gaze at the camera, Rachel makes a barely visible nod in the direction of Westmoreland. "Professor?"

The man seems ill-at-ease, even a bit panicked, when Rachel offers a perfect poker face to her audience."Well, er, yes -what Rachel neglects to mention here is that the child is mine as well."

Shocked exclamations mixed with whispered words of incomprehension break out amongst the directors onscreen. Rachel's deep voice covers them all as she quickly takes control of the reaction.

"Please, ladies and gentlemen - may I have your attention ?" Her facade of politeness makes Sarah smile inwardly. Everyone stops talking immediately, the reaction to her request just strengthening Rachel in her natural leadership.

"Thank you. I am sorry to confess that Swan is not your daughter, Professor."

A deep silence, louder than a scream, follows these last words. Rachel and Westmoreland stare at each other, in turn under the intense gaze of Sarah, Swan, and the other directors.

"You lie."

"Professor please." She offers a condescending smile to the eccentric man."Do you really think I'd have made such a gross mistake? You weren't supposed to know of my plan to have an heir, do you really think I would be stupid enough to use your precious seed?"

Everyone listening holds their breath, captivated - and terrified.

"Yes, if I have a mistake to confess in front of you all today, it is that I hid my daughter from you. It was a clumsy attempt to keep her safe from the intrigues of Neolution. For that, I ask each person here to accept my apologies."

"Rachel, you will not snare me with this story. I know I am the child's father."

"I am sorry to disappoint you, but you are not."

"Who then? Who is the father?"

"It's irrelevant. I have the proof you are not and it is the only thing I want to share with you today. With any of you."

She looks straight in Sarah's eyes. Sarah could swear she saw Rachel smile victoriously for a split second.

"Go on, Miss Duncan, we don't have all morning here!" growled the North African Director angrily, and yet also undeniably a touch delighted by this entertaining plot twist.

"You are not Swan's genitor because you are not the true Westmoreland."

Muffled cries of indignation fill the room while Sarah, petrified in her chair, looks at the man jumping to his feet, screaming :

"How dare you ?"

Rachel sits straight and perfectly still, self confident on the sofa, with a kind of glittering aura about her. In a comic book version of the story, she would be drawn encircled by radiating lines as if glowing from head to toe, her hair floating around her like a halo, giving the impression that her physical body was in fact, pure magic.

"Sit down, Professor -we are not done yet."

The Professor, trembling with rage tries his best not to look defeated. He stands up, in a miserable attempt to defy her. Rachel then joins him, looking taller despite the man’s considerable stature.

"You can't be P.T Westmoreland. I mean - look at you. Yes, you look old, but let's be serious - not quite 150 years old."

She walks towards him, fierce and calm. Meanwhile, back in the comic book version of the story, the ground would be drawn trembling with each step as she encroached closer and closer upon the old man, and the complaint of a distant storm would gradually darken the scene as if to fill it with the deep, foreboding noise of thunder.

Rachel continues her verbal assault as she approaches : "I am such a bad believer. Science before religion - I guess it is my strict Oxford education that made me so."

She stops only when she is so close to the man they could touch each other. He takes a careful step back, like a frightened deer.

"You can't have found the secret to immortality. Such a breakthrough is far beyond Neolution's current level of knowledge and scientific progress. I mean, look at your implants :they can barely treat minor diseases, forget about cancer or AIDS. On the evolutionary scale, there is a big anachronism here, don't you think?

The poor man's body shakes violently, plainly observed by the twelve stunned directors.

"And look at the clones ! We are so imperfect and weak. Barely useful on a battlefield, uncontrollable, and a year ago, we weren't even able to survive the age of 35. I am so sorry to shake down decades of false beliefs."

She pushes the man with one hand and he falls back on his chair, unable to defend himself.

"My idea is that you are a clone yourself - which makes this situation even more laughable." She takes a moment to look straight in each pair of eyes, watching her in terror, before speaking again. " I think you are the first level of human clonage. You were secretly created and born to protect Neolution's biggest lie : that eternal life doesn't exist. And I imagine your creators probably chose the most perfect of all their attempts to endorse their precious father. Which means I'm 99 percent sure you are sterile."

Sure that the man will now stay still in his chair until she decides otherwise, Rachel returns to the sofa and sits.

"Of course I found the sperm sample you left forme to find in the lab. It is still in the same place you put it, untouched. See, I'm a bit annoyed. I thought you considered me as an intelligent person. Obviously, I was wrong. You were to. I am sorry to disappoint you, but if you wanted a docile puppet to do the job, you failed."

Crossing her legs elegantly, she says, amused :

"You will probably ask for proof, when you'll recover your ability to speak. Don't worry, I'll dedicate my entire life to bring it to you."

She exhales a long breath.

"OK, now that it is clear that you are not my child's father, I'll politely decline your offer to take care of her. I have other plans for her, and leading Neolution is not one of them. But I'll let the board decide. Ladies, gentlemen, shall we process to a vote?"

Sarah takes her eyes off Rachel with some difficulty in order to check in on the directors watching them in a deathly silence. She then focuses on the man sitting miserably in his chair, still unable to move or speak.

With no surprise, the vote is in Rachel's favor. Sarah cannot think it could have been otherwise after this demonstration of force.

"Thank you. Now I would like your attention for one more subject before letting you go."

No one objects, each board member listening attentively and seemingly speechless, as if under the spell of Rachel’s command.

"I want a guarantee that the Leda clones will be safe from Neolution's intrigues from now on."

"Wait! What?" The Indian's director almost screams. " You are not supposed to make us vote on motions for your own comfort, Miss Duncan!"

"I am not talking about comfort, Sir. I am talking about the right to a private life."

"You decided to abandon your private life the day you became head of Neolution."

A light laugh escapes Rachel's lips."You can't be serious! Do you know who you're talking to? You are talking about private life to the one person here who has not had one starting the day she was born. I was created and raised to have one purpose - to lead the Neolution. That's what I am doing. I'll be your Leader because it's my duty. But you will leave the other Leda Clones out of this."

"Is that a threat Miss Duncan?",asks the North African director in anger.

"No, it is a statement."Rachel pauses briefly "Now listen to me carefully :"

"Since I was a child, first my father - and then Aldous Leekie after him - told me I was a special person with a great destiny to fulfill. I was prepared to face hardships to succeed. One by one, I faced them. With no privacy, no free will, no affection. I did it without complaining, because I knew I was the chosen daughter. I have been prepared my whole life for this moment. And every test, every blood sample I gave, every image you stole from me, every moment of childhood you ruined, was worth it." She takes a deep breath to give herself courage "Now that I am at the exact place you, and your predecessors before you, wanted, I am not letting anyone challenge me, or complain about my choices."

The North African director looks petrified, as if waiting for his public execution.

"You are led by someone you chose to be as I am - you cannot honestly have thought I would grow up to be just a pawn in your game of chess. You should know my ways by now, because they were taught to me under your direction." She smiles, her white teeth ready to bite.

"Look, here’s the thing : I know you. All of you. I know where each of you live, your partners’ names, and your children’s favorite ice cream flavor. I know your tastes in literature and your creepy little secrets. I have a file on each of you, that I wrote with my own hand when everyone of you thought I was knitting for my baby-to-come. And you know what? I did that because that is the education I received. There are cameras in every room of _your_ houses and offices. And people, loyal only to me, that follow you and your loved ones everywhere, and that are capable of doing something – anything- the second I ask them to."

Sarah watches Rachel, regal and assuredly calm, becoming the queen she was bred to become. She holds the baby against her, afraid and yet deeply attracted to Rachel all at the same time.

"Just so you know, this meeting is actually being transmitted live to every Leda clone, so they can hear from each of you the assurance they will live the rest of their lives without you bothering them. Consider that our Neolution insurance policy."

A heavy silence follows her last words."Check and check mate.", thinks Sarah.

"You won't always win."Westmoreland's voice is trembling and low, making his words even more laughable.

"On the contrary, Professor. The game is over, you have lost. And worst of all, you lost because you were fooled by your own tricks."

She stands up and without paying attention to the directors on screen, she says in a voice authoritative yet tinged with ennui:"Thank you for your patience today, ladies and gentlemen. I'll see you next month for our board of directors meeting."

She turns off the communication link and turns her attention to the cornered man in front of her."Now that there are only the two of us, tell me that I was wrong, Westmoreland - or whoever you are."

"That was well-played, Rachel. But you won't win the Neolutionists’ hearts that easily without me."

"That is not my plan. You're perfect as the crazy, old immortal father of us all. Just let me be the leader while you play the legend."

He doesn't answer, for he senses it is not a question, but a thinly disguised order.

"Now, get out of my house, and leave the island. This is my home, you are not welcome here anymore."

He stands up, uneasy on his legs."You know it’s not over, Rachel."

"Oh, come on ! Try to be smarter than Aldous was and accept that the pupil has surpassed the master. You should be proud, it is all thanks to you."

"You can't defeat us. I am not alone-"

"Who are you talking about? Nealon? He's the next on my list. Someone else? I told you, it's not just a job for me, it is the achievement of a lifetime and I won't let anyone stop me."

"Even if it means you and your daughter will never be completely safe ?".

"My daughter is safer with me than with you."

They stare at each other, Westmoreland perfectly aware that he is bluffing, and yet too proud to surrender without at least trying to use fear to shake Rachel’s conviction.

"Your family is a weakness."

"No. My loneliness was."

"Who is the child's father? You at least owe me that information."

"I owe you nothing. And Swan has no father."

Seeming to suddenly remember Sarah's presence, he abruptly turns his icy blue eyes toward her and the child in her arms.

"You know who her father is?"

"She just told you. She has no father. She has two mothers instead."

He laughs nervously.

"You'd rather die than say his name then?"

"It will give you a goal to look for an answer so you can try to use it to take me down. Now, get out of here."

Defenseless and dismissed, he leaves the house, his shoulders looking heavy, the shame making him even more insignifiant in the face of Rachel's glory. The two women take a moment to just stare at each other, a bit in shock and not completely sure of what to say or think or do.

"Holy shit Rachel.That was-"

"Bluff."

"What?"

"Yes." She offers a shy smile. "Only vague suspicions and a large dose of bluffing."

Sarah bursts out laughing uncontrollably.

"Fuck. I'll never play poker with you."

Rachel laughs slightly, allowing herself to savor her master stroke. Quickly though, because now that her plan has succeeded, she only has a vague idea of where to go from here.

"We should pack fast now. It's almost 11. We have to leave the island before noon if we so we don’t have to navigate the waterat night."

"There's a boat then?"

"Of course. It's in the basement."

"What? There was a boat here from the beginning?"

"Yes. But if was necessary to have this conversation before leaving."

"How did you know?"

"About the boat? It's written in the book."

"The book?"

" _The Island of Docteur Moreau_. My father read it to me a thousand times. We are on the island in the book. He knew from the beginning-"

"How-?"

"I guess he knew my mother and Aldous's plans. He tried to warn me, to put me in the right direction wisely and discreetly enough for me to understand at just the right moment."

"That was smart."

"Yes- And it makes his death even more difficult to bear. I betrayed the only person who truly cared about me."

Tears escape her eyes while her limbs start trembling with emotion and pain.

"He'd be proud of what you did to protect us all today."

"Yes. Whatever." She gets rid of the tears or her cheeks abruptly "Come with me, I don't want the three of us to be separated before we leave this place."

"Do you think he could come back? After all the precautions you took?"

"He is angry. Anger leads to rash and dangerous strikes."

Less than an hour later, the boat is floating on the cold water just past the shore, brilliant under the sun. Sarah takes a last look at the living room, uncertain in her mixed feelings for this place. Through the large window, she watches Rachel walking in the white garden, Swan in her arms. She realizes she is not using her cane anymore, just before noticing that she herself barely limps now. They are both leaving today as different people than they were when they arrived.

She is about to rejoin them when she catches a discreet movement at the edge of the forest, lightening an alarm inside her. She focuses for a long moment before recognizing the wolf, hidden in the shadows, whose shapes emerges slowly from under the trees.

From her point of view, Sarah can take in the scene, completely unobserved. The wolf seems on alert, his whole body contracted and cowered in the darkness, his ears back, tail nervously whipping the snow, eyes frenetically moving from Rachel and the baby to something just beyond Sarah's field of vision.

Westmorland. She can't see him but she is sure the man is what the wolf is looking at. In a hurry, she opens the door, as quietly as her fear allows her. Still hidden in the house, she can see the old man approaching Rachel from behind, furious, and a gun, glittering in the winter sun, on his arm.

Sarah's breath is hard. She knows that whatever she does, the consequences could be devastating, perhaps even horrific. Her reason tells her to stay safe and hidden in the house, when her heart screams to her to protect Rachel and Swan.

Her eyes finally meet the wolf's gaze. For a split second, he offers her a look of complete incomprehension, looking alternately at her and Rachel.

Westmorland's voice resonates loudly in the frozen landscape, making everyone jump at the same time. "You can't win this game, Rachel!"

Rachel holds the man's gaze bravely. "The problem is, my dear Professor, I never considered this a game."

"Give me the child, Rachel."

The blond woman takes a step back as if by instinct, when she spies Sarah hidden behind the door. Rachel’s eyes beg her to stay hidden, but Sarah chooses that moment to slip out of her shelter, as quietly as possible. So as not to reveal Sarah’s presence to Westmorland, Rachel quickly focuses on the man threatening her with his gun, not without imperceptibly lifting her eyes in sign of disapproval.

"You know you will have to kill me if you want the child. And you know that if you do that, it'll be your last strike."

Slowly, as discreet as a wild animal fighting for her survival, Sarah tip-toes towards the man, grateful that Rachel is distracting him so completely.

"My daughter's life is valuable to you. But yours is even more precious. You're not going to kill me."

She smiles, calm and beautiful under the man's threat. Westmoreland raises the gun with both his hands

"You are too sure of yourself. Poor Rachel-"

The sound of the safety being unlocked makes Sarah’s heart skip a beat. She stops thinking and instinctively starts running at the man before her. Blinded by fear, she barely realizes she is too far away to stop him.

Suddenly, a grey, furry lightning enters her field of vision and she falls on the ground, a scream of pain and terror escaping her mouth as her whole body hits the frozen snow. In her ears, everything is messy ; first an explosion, the different-pitched screams from Rachel and the bearded man, and a savage howling attack her sense of hearing simultaneously.

Coming through most clearly is Swan's distressed exclamation of fear.

She forces herself to open her eyes and sit up. Rachel is standing still, Swan wailing against her, apparently more terrified than hurt. Still and hypnotized, the three of them watch the wolf fighting for them, wild and majestic. The fight is biased, the old man can't win against a wolf who is defending his family. With a subtle mix of violence and instinct, the wolf kills the man.

Slowly, carefully, Sarah crawls to Swan and Rachel. She has almost reached them when the wolf raises his muffle and seems to discover them. For a second, he looks nervous, the blood all over his fur making him look terrifying. Swan cries in her mother's arms and there's nothing Rachel can do to calm her. Slowly, the wolf approaches them. When he is close enough, he sits down on the snow and with calm authority, starts gently licking Sarah's trembling hands.

The two women hold their breath. Rachel swallows hard and kneels onto the cold ground.

"Here Swan, calm down. He is a friend of ours."

The wolf raises his majestic head to look straight into Swan's eyes. The little girl instantly stops crying. Carefully, he puts his enormous muzzle on the tiny body and starts making a low noise, almost like a cat's purring. Eyes open wide, Swan's lips part on a melodious laugh.

They stay here in the snow for quite some time, reunited and safe. Sarah finally gets up and says in a little voice

"I'll take care of this one before we go."

Rachel watches her for a moment, walking away, dragging the body out of her field of vision. Then she forgets about Sarah and Westmoreland and everything else, and focuses entirely on her daughter, now playing with the wolf who saved their lives.

It takes them a lots of courage, and the promise that they will come back, to leave the wolf and the island. During the voyage on the water, neither of the women can talk or look at each other. Their hearts are heavy with the fear of what is to come.

When they finally reach land, Ira is waiting for them on the beach. He helps them to out disembark, offering forced smiles and blankets.

"Sarah, there's someone waiting for you in the car over there."

Knowing instantly who it must be, she runs as fast as her new leg allows her. Half-way, she sees her daughter getting out of the car and running to meet her. She takes her in her arms and makes her fly, just like when she was tiny. She hears her giggling through sobs of joy, she feels her skin against hers, warming her, healing her instantly from everything. They spin in circles for what seems hours, not aware of the world around them. She hears her daughter's laugh when she shouts _I love you_ and feels the sand moving under her feet by force of her circles. They fall on the still warm sand, laughing and hugging each other.

When they can't laugh anymore, Sarah whispers in Kira's ear," _I missed you so much_ " a million times. She feels like she could never have enough of her daughter's scent and touch.

Finally, time resumes its course gently, quietly. They look at the sky getting darker slowly, holding each other tight. When the night becomes too cold, Sarah takes her daughter's hand and they climb into the waiting car. Sarah can't remember if she gives Ira a particular destination, nor can she remember if he gives her money to pay their meal and the hotel room. She can only remember her daughter's body against hers through the night, and her fighting against sleep to keep looking at Kira's face.

When she finally wakes up the following morning, the entire room is bathed in the warm light of the sun. Sarah straightens on the bed abruptly, looking for Kira. The young girl is sitting on the armchair next to her. She watches her mother, a gentle smile illuminating her face.

"Hey Monkey, did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Mom, there's something I want to do."

"Sure" She notices that her daughter is already fully dressed.

Kira murmurs in a little voice, "I want to meet my sister."

Sarah takes a deep breath and sit on the edge of the bed, looking Kira intently.

"Delphine told you."

"No. I knew it." She stands up and sit next her mother on the bed. "There was no other explanation for you staying on the island."

"You are- amazing, you know that?"

Kira just smiles and gives her mother an extended hug.

Later, in the elevator taking them to Rachel's apartment, Kira seems both impatient and wise, while Sarah is just completely scared.

"You know - it'll be hard for uncle Felix to accept the situation." Kira smiles at her mother's stunned face.

"Well- you know, Felix will get used to it - he always does. I'm more worried about Helena."

"I'm not that sure. Helena, she’ll love you anyway. Uncle Felix is- he's hurt."

"Yeah. I'll talk to him."

"Yes."

The elevator announces Rachel's floor in a thinkCanadian accent that makes them laugh.

It is Kira who knocks on the door. She looks so determined at that moment that it makes Sarah love her just that much more. Rachel opens the door. Her eyes meet Sarah's for a second and Sarah can tell how embarrassed the blond woman is. Then, looking at Kira, she smiles and says with the most gentle tone she's capable of :

"Hello Kira"

"I want to see my sister." The girl's voice is fierce and cold, making Rachel take a step back. However, she does not let her smile fade from her face.

"Absolutely. She’s in my bedroom, let me take you there-"

"I'll find the way, thank you."

Kira disappears inside the apartment before Rachel can say anything else. Sarah closes the door behind her and mumbles as she heads straight to the living room :

" Sorry about that. She just-needs to do this alone."

"I understand."

Sarah sits on the grey sofa, ill at ease, subtly trying to avoid eye contact with Rachel.

"Do you have - Something to drink? Please?"

"Yes. Tea? Coffee?"

"Scotch?"

"Sarah, it's 10 a.m. !"

"So? It's the day my daughters meet-"

"Sure. I'll make coffee then."

Sarah exhales audibly to show her indignation, but smiles when Rachel gives her a large mug of coffee 5 minutes later.The blond woman’s hands are trembling with anxiety as she sits at a respectable distance from Sarah on the sofa, then staring into her cup of tea to hide her emotions. She eventually breaks the silence a minute later :

 "How long do you think they'll need?"

"Don't worry, Kira just needs time to get to know Swan-"

At that very moment, Kira comes back in the living room, Swan against her in her arms. She goes directly at Rachel and says in a calm voice :

"I don't want to be separated from my mother and sister anymore."

"I- I understand."

"No, you don't." Kira's beautiful eyes judge Rachel severely. " I'll forgive all the bad things that you've done before. It will take time. But I know I can, because that's what my mom did. But don't take them from me again. Ever."

"Yes."

"And you have to make the same promise to my aunties. And uncle Felix and Mrs S."

"I'll do that too."

"Ok. Swan and I will need a room to share, then."

"Of course. Well - take mine until we find a more long-term solution. And don't hesitate to ask for what you need to feel- at home here."

Kira gives a tiny half-smile before leaving the room again, the baby calm in her arms. When she is sure that her daughter can't hear her, Sarah says quietly :

"It went well."

"You're right, she definitely loves me."

"I mean, it went well, regarding the situation." Sarah smiles

"Yes."

"It was the easy part. At least she didn't try to kill you. Wait until you meet Helena or see Fee again-"

"Later Sarah. Not the whole broken, punk family in one day." All of her self-assurance is still not enough to completely hide the fear she feels at the idea of having to faceHelena, Alison and the others in the days to come. Seeing Sarah so amused by her embarrassment, she snaps :

"And you, Sarah - are _you_ ready?"

"For what?"

"For considering _yourself_ at home here with your daughters? For not running away from every hard task life gives you? Are you ready for that?"

At this precise moment, Kira's light laugh fills the impersonal white and grey living room, painting it with the colors of joy. Sarah stares at Rachel defiantly for a moment, bathed in her daughter's happiness. Then she says in a determined voice :

"Sincerely? I don't know where all of this is going to lead us. I don't know where to start, I don't know what to do."

She stands and draws closer to Rachel, not able to take her eyes off her :

"Honestly, I don't think our- _situation_ \- is at all sane, and I don't know if I'll ever trust you one day."

She takes Rachel's hand in hers, her fingers trembling with the frivolous joy of just feeling her next to her, her body carrying the answers her mind couldn't dare admitting.

"I don't know where we can go from here."

She leans and rests her forehead against Rachel's, then she murmurs :

"But- I know I want to try. For my daughters."

Their mouths meets, shyly, light pink against bright red. And when she parts her lips slowly, wrapped in the kiss, Rachel can hear two whispered words :

"For you."

 

 - The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. I finished this fanfiction that was in my head for months now. I didn't know I could do it. It's my first fic written in english (not translated from french). It's my first Orphan Black fic. It's also the longest work I ever wrote.
> 
> It wouldn't have been possible without the help of my wonderful beta-reader, Susannah. It was so fantastic to work with her that first, she became a friend, then, I decided to write more ProPunk 
> 
> To you, dear, DEAR readers, thank you so much. Your kudos and so nice comments helped me to write and to keep going even during hard times. 
> 
> I'll end this emotional note saying I couldn't really say goodbye to the characters of The Chosen Daughter : I'm writing a sequel, because it was too hard to let Sarah and Rachel (and the Wolf) even after so many pages :-)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it !
> 
> Mary

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this chapter, let me know ! kudos and comments are so important for me :)


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